Tien-Jen

Has there been a time when you’ve felt unheard or ignored? Has there been an instance where you try to chime in only to have someone interrupt you or ignore what you had said altogether? It is frustrating and it can make us feel as though nobody cares about our opinions. Most often people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts that they don’t notice someone else trying to add to the conversation. I found that there have been moments someone simply hasn’t heard my voice. It’s taken time to learn that it isn’t personal.

Being soft-spoken and assertive can seem like two opposing forces not destined to fit together. Assertiveness was often associated with aggressiveness in my mind. I felt that if I’m being assertive, I’m asking too much. I’ve learned over the years that it’s a healthy way of setting boundaries and communicating your needs. Being assertive is one of the most important interpersonal skills. Assertive ties in with respecting yourself and others, and having a level of self-assurance.

Being assertive means being kind and honest. It can cut misunderstandings and show that you care about the person, situation or topic you’re talking about. It’s important to set boundaries and learn to say no. There’s no need to overexplain or over justify yourself. Saying no in a polite and assertive manner is having a level of sensitivity and care. Becoming more assertive takes practice much like learning a language and gaining fluency. It may feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first, but it’s one of the best ways you can take care of yourself.

Art by Sun Jun