There have been many moments where rushing feels like progress but the result ends up being less than satisfactory. Slowing down is when things are able to come into fruition in a natural way. Think of a small seed in the soil that weathers through the stormy nights and sunny days. It slowly grows and grows until one day it becomes a strong and sturdy tree.
When we slow down we have space to think. We have space to notice our breath and space to just be. The quiet moments allow us to reflect and understand ourselves better. Slowing down gives us a moment to day dream and let our imagination run wild. The story of the tortoise and the hare is a reminder of the wisdom in having patience and persistence.
The greatest joys in life come from the little things. Walking down the streets and listening to the sound of the birds chirping in the early hours of the morning. Enjoying the small things like reading at a cafe, feeling the gentle breeze on your face, writing in a journal and taking a warm shower. Take time to be grateful for the small things.
The ability to embrace the art of doing nothing allows us to appreciate periods of solitude. Social media has contributed to the rise of consumer culture and social pressures. These pressures can cause stress and a distraction from what is important in our lives. The concept of missing out is often labeled as a negative aspect, and it can often be perceived as antisocial.
There is great beauty in taking quiet moments during the day to just be in your own presence. There is great love in giving yourself permission to take time to rest, reflect and reconnect with yourself. The joy of missing out is taking time to enjoy the quiet moments and to embrace being who you are.
The art of slow. Our lives can be filled with endless things one after the other, or a never-ending to-do list. We live in a society that praises a busy and productive lifestyle by labeling these aspects as the definition of success. But the truth is that we are really only able to experience true satisfaction in life in the moments where we feel a sense of flow. Those moments are appreciated when we aren’t rushing through the world.
Finding balance. We practice moderation through how much we consume. These include food, exercise, or technology. We can focus much more deeply when we take time to switch off, practice being mindful of our actions and become aware of where we are placing our attention and time. The joy of missing out on what is always happening in the world can also be beneficial for one’s mental health. Taking a break from technology can allow oneself to focus on being in the present.
Simplifying one’s life. When we let go of the need to chase excitement or fill our lives with things, we have more time to do all the things that make us truly happy. There is a false belief that we must always buy the latest thing, stay on top of trends or achieve something great to be happy. It’s truly the small and simple things in life that can give us the greatest joy. It can be the smallest things that can trigger a sad or happy memory.
Staying authentic to yourself. The joy of missing out means that we can spend more time doing things we enjoy. The time we spend alone is precious, as those moments are where we face our thoughts, feelings, memories and experiences. We have space to reflect and think about life. We can focus on change and growth and we can spend time in our favourite hobbies. When we stay true to ourselves, we feel the greatest sense of freedom. It takes effort and energy to not be who you truly are.
Deeper connections. We only have so much time and the time we spend with people is the connections we are investing in. By surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you, you nurture a deeper connection. It takes time to really get to know someone, and it takes energy to be there for others. When we miss out on other things, we can spend time with the one’s we love. Relationships are beautiful things. The people we surround ourselves with and spend time with the most have a greater impact on us than we may consciously be aware of.
The path we’re meant to be on. Many things in life are a blessing in disguise. In the moment we might not understand why it happened or we might feel that it was unfair. There are aspects that may be a perception of failure but we are yet to realise that the best is yet to come. Sometimes we think something is a setback when it’s really pushing us forward to where we need to be. The joy of missing out on an opportunity can be the greatest blessing to discovering where you’re meant to be.
A century ago, it would’ve seemed strange to picture photos and artwork with people holding a phone in their hand with their heads bowed down. Today, it’s a norm to walk down the street messaging someone. I miss the days when phones weren’t such a massive part of our lives. I remember talking to strangers more and making friends through the same silence and simply breaking it. However, now it’s easy for people to avoid silence by using their devices. We spend so much time staring at screens now.
One of the things I’ve always had a hard relationship with is the mobile device. I remember using a flip phone for as long as possible until it broke. I was nineteen when I purchased my first touch phone and I always felt it unnatural to use it all the time. I felt an overreliance on it yet a convenience. I’m grateful that it helps us connect in many ways with our family and friends who may not be close by, but I see that it is also making us more disconnected in other ways.
One way to limit phone use is to remove apps that you don’t often use or that you’re mindlessly clicking into. You can switch off notifications or put your phone on silent. One of the ways I’ve found helpful in using my phone less during the day is consciously setting it aside somewhere or putting it on silence. It makes you feel more present and feel more engaged in your day-to-day moments, without the distraction of a phone.
My phone can sometimes give me slight anxiety and urgency, take away precious time, and the less I use it, the more present I feel and the more focused I am. I found after removing several social media platforms in the last few years, it’s helped me feel less anxious about staying up to-date with everything. I find it helps to take moments to just read a book, write in a journal, or play the piano. Everything is more enjoyable in the long run when it’s in moderation. There are endless things to enjoy without the presence of our phones.
When we come into the world we have nothing but ourselves. When we leave this planet we have nothing but ourselves. We already have everything that we need within our body, mind, heart, and soul from the moment we enter the world. We are already enough. The trees don’t ask for so much more than sun and rain, the birds enjoy singing in the early morning hours, and the moon shines happily in the sky at night.
Much of the unease in life is from feeling that there is a cup to fill within ourselves. The belief stems from what we’re told in the world about not being enough. The idea is that we can only be enough if we are accepted by others. The true joy that comes in this life can only come from within. This is why some people spend a lifetime chasing happiness rather than finding joy within. The more we run away from our fears and problems, the more they continue to appear in our lives.
After reading “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, it really touched me and I loved how she talks about the importance of gratitude and how we talk to ourselves. We become our thoughts and we choose our thoughts. Life is what you make of it, and although you may not be able to control all events that may happen, you are in control of how you respond to it and how you choose to see it.
We don’t need a lot in life to be happy. To have one true friend is a blessing. To have water to drink and food to eat is a blessing not everyone has. To have a roof over one’s head and to be here is a blessing. To breathe with ease is a blessing. The small things can often bring the greatest joy. The feeling of lightness in one’s heart without the weight of worrying or being afraid. You are deserving of happiness. It’s already within you from the day you’re born. You are enough.
Has there been a time when you’ve felt unheard or ignored? Has there been an instance where you try to chime in only to have someone interrupt you or ignore what you had said altogether? It is frustrating and it can make us feel as though nobody cares about our opinions. Most often people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts that they don’t notice someone else trying to add to the conversation. I found that there have been moments someone simply hasn’t heard my voice. It’s taken time to learn that it isn’t personal.
Being soft-spoken and assertive can seem like two opposing forces not destined to fit together. Assertiveness was often associated with aggressiveness in my mind. I felt that if I’m being assertive, I’m asking too much. I’ve learned over the years that it’s a healthy way of setting boundaries and communicating your needs. Being assertive is one of the most important interpersonal skills. Assertive ties in with respecting yourself and others, and having a level of self-assurance.
Being assertive means being kind and honest. It can cut misunderstandings and show that you care about the person, situation or topic you’re talking about. It’s important to set boundaries and learn to say no. There’s no need to overexplain or over justify yourself. Saying no in a polite and assertive manner is having a level of sensitivity and care. Becoming more assertive takes practice much like learning a language and gaining fluency. It may feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first, but it’s one of the best ways you can take care of yourself.
No matter where we are in the world, it’s the state of mind that you’re in that determines the life you want to live. When you’re filled with gratitude and love, you appreciate what you already have. Whereas, if you’re filled with fear, you can feel a sense of lack and worry. The experiences you have, the people you surround yourself with, the places you travel to, the books you read, the food you eat, the music you listen to, the thoughts you feed yourself and the lessons you learn. Life is unpredictable. It reminds us that living in the present is all we truly have, and that the past and the future can often rob us of enjoying, embracing and accepting the moment.
“People where you live,” the little prince said, “grow five thousand roses in one garden… yet they don’t find what they’re looking for…”
“They don’t find it,” I answered.
“And yet what they’re looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water…”
“Of course,” I answered.
And the little prince added, “But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
The title is an excerpt from the book, The Little Prince: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” This reminds us of the importance of seeing beneath the surface. We can never really know anyone, not many people, so deeply that we can understand the experiences and layers they have experienced. We live in a deeply visual world and images have so much power and influence. However, the things that truly matter in our lives, are things that can’t be seen but are felt. They are the experiences we have, not the materials. They are the relationships we have, not the status.
The life we experience is ultimately the one we feel within. It makes me think of how a person can be externally happy, but they could be going through an incredibly tough time. It makes me think of how a person can seem serious and may not always smile, but they can also have the biggest heart and kindness through their actions. It’s important to not judge a book by its cover. Nobody is perfect, no matter what it seems, and no matter what it looks like from the outside. It doesn’t matter how much you earn, what clothes you wear or how big your house is. It matters how you treat others, your sense of character and values. Those parts of you, whether that be your intelligence, compassion, wisdom, humour, or enthusiasm, are what make you you.
There are many lessons in The Little Prince. One of the lessons that stand out to me, is the topic of love. What is truly important can only be felt and seen with the heart. This world needs love. We can do many things and never be joyful, but perhaps our happiness could be found in one simple thing (“in a single rose”). Our eyes may indulge in temporary beauty and what lies on the surface. The temporary satisfaction won’t give us a sense of long term contentment. The true beauty of a person comes from their heart. Whatever you do today, remember to look with the heart.
Drinking a cup of strong black coffee on an empty stomach is a common morning routine for many people. The consumption of caffeine can have weird effects on some people. I find having caffeine can make me shaky and energetic in the short term but it can impact my sleep. A baby coffee such as a mochaccino can feel psychologically less strong than an espresso. Some people may opt for a coffee as they aren’t hungry or they might feel a bit nauseous having breakfast in the morning. However, the lack of breakfast can make me feel like a grumpy cat.
Why is it that we often have the same breakfast every day? A big part of it may be from habit or convenience. When making a trip to the supermarket I automatically go to the cereal aisle. There are some days when I add a bit of variety, such as adding fruits like bananas, frozen berries, or pears or drizzling some honey. It’s my favourite meal of the day because there’s something comforting and familiar about the ritual of making your breakfast. A lack of breakfast can cause me to feel lethargic and tired. However, after having breakfast it sets you up for the day ahead by refueling your tank.
In a heavily switched-on world, it can feel like there’s no pause button. Our phones have become an extension of us most noticeably since the pandemic. The nature of unpredictability has become increasingly more transparent. We live in a society that values busyness and judges the idea of rest by perceiving it as lazy. In the article How to rest well by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, he states that “The world tells us: Work is important; we need to reply: Rest is important too.“
Time for reflecting. Sitting down to clear your mind and think about things and write thoughts down can give you space to reflect. What are the lessons you’ve learned? What are the parts of you that have grown? What challenges have you faced? What are the gains you’ve experienced? How would you like to change? There have been an immense amount of lessons learned in the past year, and taking time to reflect on them can help you think about how you’d like to implement them into your life.
Switching off. The amount of time spent using my phone has heavily increased. I’ve been especially grateful that we are able to connect with our loved ones but I find reading the news can be overwhelming as it can be filled with negativity. Taking time to switch off can help clear our minds and give us some quiet from all the noise while enjoying the present moment.
Reconnecting with your soul. Rest gives you time to be alone in your mind and body. When you can rest you allow yourself to sit with your own thoughts. When we’re always interacting in the world, it’s easy to go along with what everyone else is doing. In the past year, I’ve felt burnt out at times, and only recently I have accepted how important it is to truly rest and do nothing. Time alone gives us space to be creative, curious, mindful, and aware of our surroundings.
Space to heal. The world feels like it’s becoming an increasingly divided place, but my greatest prayer is that we find deeper connections and openness through our collective struggles. When we spend time without a full calendar and we take time to care for ourselves, we give ourselves space to reflect, rest, connect and heal. The absence of distractions can make us look at ourselves inside and out.
What we value. What is most important to you in your life? What makes you truly happy? What do you enjoy doing? What are your personal values? Every person’s values can be different and living by our values can make us feel more grounded and connected to ourselves. Our values can be impacted by the experiences we’ve had in our lives, our personalities, and how we experience the world.
A trip to the supermarket felt like an adventure as a child. It still does. Roaming the aisles of different food categories was comforting and easily amusing. Although it’s also been a crazy last two years during the pandemic with crowded aisles, social distancing, panic buying and inflation in prices. The nostalgia of shopping is a fond memory and one of those activities that bring joy. There’s something satisfying about having a full pantry of food. It feels like a blessing and a privilege to be able to have food and to browse all the different items. It feels like a treasure hunt of trying to find all the items you’re looking for. Below are a selection of the many ways the supermarket brings me joy.
1) Being present in the moment. Going to the supermarket forces you to be present and focused by making sure you don’t bump into someone and that you get everything on your shopping list. Although it’s also easy to do the very opposite of zoning out trying to find your favourite cereal box.
2) Discovering new things. Trying new recipes, finding ingredients, discovering new products and trying new things are a fun part of going grocery shopping. I previously would make the same meal nearly everyday, whereas, buying different kinds of items makes you creative and think about what to cook.
3) People watching and listening to music. There’s probably scientific research that the music played at the supermarket is designed to make you stay longer, feel good and buy more. I have admittedly stayed at the supermarket pushing the trolley around to finish listening to a song. There’s also something amusing about watching people do their shopping.
4) The necessity of grocery shopping. There’s something very rewarding about cooking your own meal as a self-confessed previous non-foodie. When you cook your own meals it can feel satisfying and it can make you feel accomplished. Grocery shopping is also a regular routine in our lives and supermarkets are a familiar place that we go to every so often.
5) A change of scenery. It’s easy to spend time sitting in an office or being at home, but when you go to the supermarket, you can switch off and just think about what you need to buy. Something is always different each time: different music, different people, different fruit and veggies.
6) Browsing farmers’ markets. The best grocery shopping is at the markets when it’s a sunny day outside. It’s fun to stare at the dogs walking by and to find the cheapest cauliflower. There’s also a lovely atmosphere and it feels different to the feeling of when you’re shopping in a supermarket.
7) Having fun withyour loved ones. Going to the supermarket is a fond memory I have with my family. Whether being in New Zealand or Taiwan, or being at a supermarket or an outdoors veggie market. There’s something about food that quite literally brings people together.
What do you enjoy or not enjoy about grocery shopping?
We can spend periods of our lives in a cycle that repeats itself if we don’t seek the desire to change. Nature is always changing and evolving. That is the beautiful part of nature, as it takes its time to achieve great change. How we spend our time is precious. When we break apart everything, time is really all that we have. Our lives are unpredictable, and no one can be completely sure of how long they are on this earth for.
Every moment counts. The moments we stand at the traffic lights, the moments we sit on the plane flying home and the moments we are there for a loved one. The beautiful words are from Zadie Smith. It also makes me acknowledge the sad reality that there is so much time spent on the things that we don’t truly love. We live in a world where people are deeply hurting or they are tied to a life where they are helpless.
Thoughts and Feelings. What you focus on is how you will feel. The thoughts we feed ourselves and the feelings we have ultimately affect how we view the world, how we view ourselves, how we treat other people and how we spend our days. Our thoughts and feelings impact how we experience the world around us and the world within.
Precious time. How do you spend your time? What we spend our time builds us into the person we are. If we spend time doing more of what we love, it can only benefit us in the long run. It can enable us to have a healthy relationship with people and it can make us a whole lot happier.
Leisure. The Art of doing nothing. There is praise for always being switched on in a fast-paced digital age. Being productive and busy is seen as the definition of success, when in actuality good things take time, and our focus is heightened when we give ourselves conscious rest.
People. Who do you spend most of your time with? They say that the 5 people you spend the majority of time with can impact you as a person, from your world view, character, interests and behaviour. The environment we are in and the people we spend our time with can have a huge impact on our wellbeing.
Memories. What are the good memories you can think of? Remembering memories that make you smile can bring them alive. When we focus on a bad memory, it can evoke a strong negative emotional reaction. The time that we spend to create memories that are good are often built around the foundation of love.
Gratitude. What are you grateful for in your life? Gratitude is a practice that we can actively do each day. The moment we forget all the things we have in our lives is the moment we can feel empty and unhappy. Where we put our focus and intention is everything. Our wellbeing depends on it. Remember to cherish all that you have.
Change. In what ways have you changed over time? We are always changing every day. In everyday we are learning something new. Change is inevitable and people will change, but the important thing is to know your values. What is it that you want in life? What’s important to you?
Choices. The choices we make over time influence the person we are today. What you choose to do is your responsibility. How you treat others, the conversations you have, the products you buy, the food you consume and the activities that you do all impact who you are as a person. The choices we make and how we spend our time impacts who we are as a person.
Creativity. What do you spend your time consuming and creating. We spend a lot of time consuming content from online articles to social media. We spend more time more than ever consuming digital content and buying materials. The time we spend creating is quite possibly one of the most precious moments.
The time we spend to practice something, create something or write something is valuable. When we do the things that we love and spend time with the people we love, then we must be doing something right. Our lives are meant to be enjoyed and the purpose of being here is more than we can understand. All that one can really know is that the existence of every being is precious.
No one is better than the other person. There is a false belief that by feeling superior to someone we can feel accomplished. Whether that is through materials, status or wealth. However, it is the biggest lie that we are sold in society. External things don’t add true value into our lives. It makes me think of The Little Prince quote that reads “What is Essential is Invisible to the Eye” all that is truly important in life can only be felt with the heart “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly”.
Tien-Jen 