judgment – Tien-Jen

The Ability To Judge Less And Love More

It’s interesting to think that no one really knows what we’re like. Only a very few that are close to us will see us through our ups and downs, but no one can live the journey of another. I had a conversation with a friend recently about how people will view you the way they see you. They will create a perception and an idea of you, but not many people will truly know you. It sort of makes me think of famous people, and how incredibly judgmental people are towards them, without knowing them at all. I’m guilty of doing it too, and felt the need to write about it, because when we judge it repeats the cycle of talking about things we don’t know as if we do know.

On a conversation with a new friend about forgiveness, we talked about how when we don’t forgive others and hold a bad feeling against them, it’s not so much hurting them, but hurting ourselves. If we let go and learn to forgive it will free us. There is difficulty in this in times where we feel something is very important to us or we don’t understand why people do things a certain way. There are many things we truly only see the surface of, and only in the times where we have peace, love and acceptance, do we catch a glimpse of seeing one another as we are. Most strangers that are unkind to others are often letting out how they are feeling within.

Everyone has different opinions and thoughts. The thing is we seem to be more hard on ourselves more often than we are on others. At least I know this for myself. At the same time, I notice there are many people who focus on the bad things about other people, but don’t focus on self improving and changing themselves. When we fear judgment, it restricts us from doing the things we want, being the true person we are and embracing life completely.

Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, goes through tough times and experiences life in a different way. Remember to raise yourself up, because the more you love yourself and be kinder to yourself and know that you deserve all the happiness and joy, then you will do the same to those around you. The moment we feel down is when we put our focus on things that drain our energy. It’s difficult to not judge when we feel something is unfair, but the thing to also remember and remind ourselves is how we often only see the surface of the water. The ability to judge less and love more is the homework we should strive to do each day.

Photography by Helena Moore

September 18, 2017

Daily Thoughts, forgive, judgment, Love
The Fine Art Of Not Giving A Fudge

When we care less about certain voices in our minds or the words of others, we become more happy and free. We let go of negative judgment from those we aren’t close to, and we feel unaffected by criticism that has no value to our self growth. It means wearing what you want, saying what you need to and being the person you truly are. The art of not giving a fudge, means that you know that people will judge no matter what you do. Which is why you know the importance of being true to yourself, because no matter what, we cannot live our lives to please others.

The fact of the matter is that many of us do care to different degrees what someone may think of us. These will be a range of aspects, which may be the way we look, move, talk, wear and the list goes on. Some people will care less and some will care more. I find that as you grow older, you start to care less and less. For many people, they feel more grounded in who they are, and embrace themselves as a person. An example in the past, would be how I would be conscious of how I’m a much more soft spoken person. However, over the years it’s something I really embrace about myself. It’s part of who I am.

The beauty of not giving a fudge is the comfort you feel in your skin, and the self love you give yourself. Picture a person walking a long the street in stylish clothes, and completely pulling it off effortlessly. They walk with complete confidence, and an air of not giving a thought or care of any judgment from the passerby’s. You can feel how comfortable they are. Then imagine someone who looks uncomfortable in what they’re wearing. It’s not always a visual aspect, but the way we communicate, act, move and talk can express a lot in terms of who we are as a person.

It means that you don’t give too much time wondering if people like you. The thing about being yourself, is that you are less likely to spend time wondering what other people think. It means that you accept yourself for who you are, and you make peace when you hear negative judgment from others. You have an open mind, and can differentiate between what words should be absorbed and what should just go from one ear and out the other. It means making your own decisions in life, without feeling the need to conform to popular opinion or have validation from others.

When people judge, it’s none of our business, because it’s very often a reflection of who they are as a person. It’s a reflection of how they are feeling inside. There’s a huge difference between constructive criticism and blatant judgment. The truth is people don’t think about others as much as you may think, because they are likely thinking of themselves. We are our own biggest critic. Most people are preoccupied with their own lives. The destruction happens when we compare our lives to other people. Instead, there’s an importance in appreciating and understanding that everyone has different jobs, career, relationships, hobbies and path in life.

If you like to wear certain clothing, do your makeup a certain way, have a quirky sense of humour, laugh a certain way, like to dance in public or talk about topics that interest you, embrace that. That’s what makes you you. Give yourself that benefit of being the person you were born to be, rather than molding into what society expects. The truth is that we can’t be best friends with everyone. Self respect means that you stick with your own values and are not easily swayed by what others say. You stand up for what you believe in. That’s when you can feel fulfilled in life.

I find that going more and more out of your comfort zone, means you create more experiences. You explore and discover more of the things you love. You surround yourself with people who you truly connect with. You don’t waste time on thoughts about others, but focus on self improvement and enjoyment in your own life. More often, we care more about what our loved ones think, because we value their opinions and advice. In this case, it’s different compared to what a stranger may say. We have a choice in what we give care and time to. No matter what, no one knows your journey. Be comfortable with being different, no one should try to be same as one another.

Eva Green in The Dreamers (2004)

February 12, 2017

Daily Thoughts, judgment

The Ability To Judge Less And Love More

Photography by Helena Moore

The Fine Art Of Not Giving A Fudge

Eva Green in The Dreamers (2004)