We are the author of our own journey, the painter of our own beautiful artwork and the composer of our own symphony. The internal voices that tell us we’re unlovable often begin in childhood. We can change the narrative and not let those words and voices deeply internalised within define us. Deeply loving oneself isn’t a selfish act, but a necessary human behaviour that we all need to survive. Loving yourself is the same as breathing. You need it to stay alive. When we don’t love ourselves, life often becomes sad, painful and full of torment.
Letting go of self-criticism. Those voices come and go like waves in the ocean or passing clouds in the sky. They are fleeting, yet in those moments when they’re there, they can feel real. The biggest demon is the one within. If we believed there was always a storm outside, we might forever stay inside the house and never step outside to feel the warmth of the sun. Self-criticism is like poison in our hearts, making us feel down and hopeless. Those voices aren’t true, and your feelings aren’t facts. You are a radiant soul who deserves to be spoken with words of love, compassion and kindness, the same way a mother gently speaks to her baby.
Changing the narrative. We can adjust and change the beliefs we have and the wiring of our brains. Those patterns don’t need to dictate our lives, and just because something happened in the past doesn’t mean it needs to exist in the present. You can rewrite your story, you can choose to do things differently, and shift the mindset that may have been restricting and limiting you. We can all speak to ourselves more the way we’d speak to a good friend, with encouragement, positivity, confidence, and faith.
Self-soothing your body. Trauma often shows up in the body. Moments of tension, shaking, crying, and fear can erupt in the body, even if you’re in no danger. It can take time for the body to feel safe. Our body needs love, comfort and self-soothing. You can give yourself a warm hug, massage your arms, lie down in a comfortable position, or practice self-havening, butterfly hugs, gentle tapping, taking a warm bath, listening to calming music, dancing freely or anything that allows your body to feel safe, relaxed and calm.
A true friend is a rare diamond. My sweet friend inspired me to write this article, as through the hard chapters of life (as we all have them), they have been encouraging and reminding me that what truly matters is to love ourselves, and remember that we deserve happiness. A true friend will be honest, loving, compassionate, caring and thoughtful. They genuinely want to understand you. The people we surround ourselves with are incredibly important. Surrounding ourselves with loving friends is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
Embracing your heart. We are imperfect humans. We cry, we laugh, we feel everything from the moon to the sun. You are a worthy human being, just as you are. Forgive yourself and others, whatever it might be. You’re exactly who you’re meant to be and where you’re meant to be in this moment in time. Everything that has led to this moment has happened for a reason, and there are many lessons for us to learn from. These moments help us grow wiser, stronger, more resilient, kinder and more loving and accepting.
Practising self-compassion. Every morning when you look in the mirror, remind yourself how beautiful you are. It can be hard at the start, but the more you do it, the more that feeling of lightness and confidence injects into your spirit, and you start to believe it more and more each day. The voices we have in our minds can become increasingly replaced with loving affirmations and words of truth.
You deserve to be happy. Do more of what you enjoy. Do the things that give you joy. Do the things that make you laugh. Life is unpredictable, and tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. We only have so much time in this life, and the moments spent crying in despair will keep us trapped in hell. Notice the small things, embrace the little moments, and have gratitude for everything. You deserve to feel peace, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to feel calm, you deserve to feel safe, you deserve it all.
Tien-Jen 