Tien-Jen

What It Means To Be Quietly Confident

There’s a misconception that confidence means being an extrovert, being loud, openly expressive and outgoing. There is this image of someone who is likable, energetic and gets a long with everyone. However, confidence means having faith in yourself or someone else. It’s the state of feeling certain about the truth of something. There is this idea that only extroverts can be truly confident, yet there are many misconceptions about introverts that can cause this thought. Confidence is something you create within yourself, it’s not something you’re born with.

I found this answer from Quora, and appreciate it so much. As an introvert, I’ve grown up being told (even til today), that I need to be more confident. As someone who is comfortable in their own skin, there’s often a mistake of equating confidence with being loud. The words “Nothing is ever as it seems, especially when it comes to people,” that she wrote is extremely true. We can never truly judge a book by its cover, especially when we only see the external parts of people. I may be a more soft spoken person, but I feel confident in being myself.

Confidence isn’t about being noticed. True confidence is believing in your abilities as an individual. It means staying strong to your values. Being quietly confident means you aren’t afraid to speak up for what you believe in. It means being able to differentiate constructive criticism and judgment, and which ones to take on and which to let go. It means you know that you will make mistakes, but you will keep trying. A person who is quietly confident, doesn’t feel the need to validate themselves to others. They don’t feel the need to tell everyone about their achievements, and they’re not afraid to tell other people about their failures.

Very often quiet people are underestimated and overlooked, with no acknowledgement of their achievements. They don’t tend to tell many people, and may come off as unsocial and may seem distant at times. The thing is when someone is quiet, it doesn’t mean they are less confident. Confidence is very much an internal feeling of self assurance. There are quiet people who may love conversing with others, and there may be those who are more loud who need time to spend with themselves. Everyone is different. We all express ourselves in different ways.

It’s easy to create an idea of what an individual may be like with labels such as introvert, shy or quiet, but I find that narrows down the ability to truly get to know someone. Some people take more time to open up than others. I’ve been told by people to be more loud. A part of me wants to say that my personality doesn’t mean I can’t be confident, it simply means I show it in a different way. There are many extroverts labeled as confident, but confidence isn’t based on a personality type.

As an individual, I’m not afraid to ask questions, and this is something I feel quietly confident with. Many quiet people are highly observant and analytical. They know how to determine a situation, and some people are able to read what others may be feeling. They tend to think before they speak. Those who speak the most or talk the loudest, doesn’t mean they always have the most substantial things to say. Our personality doesn’t determine our intelligence or our abilities.

I consider myself quite a talkative person, when I’m having a engaging conversation that interests me or makes me thoughtful. I feel a quiet confidence, because I don’t feel the need to alter myself to a loud person in order to be similar to how others may express confidence. When we don’t say anything, it doesn’t mean that we don’t know, we’re clueless or we’re not interested. It may mean we’re thinking deeply or listening carefully. There are certain things that don’t always need to be said out loud.

There is this common thought, that those who are loud are strong, and those who are quiet are weak. These are all from the way things look, rather than what they are. It’s the way it appears, but not often what it may be. There are many quiet people who have achieved great things in the world. They have a sense of self acceptance. We should embrace our strengths and qualities of ourselves, the way we wouldn’t change the accent we have, we shouldn’t need to change our personality to please others.

What I feel is that those who lack self confidence, are those who feel the need to fill the silence every second. They are uncomfortable in sitting in silence. Then it doesn’t feel raw and real, because there is this discomfort that they may feel in feeling quiet in the presence of others. Confidence means embracing yourself and being sure of your decisions. It’s not something that can be worn, but an attitude of being comfortable in who you are as a person. It means not being afraid to make mistakes and learning from them and being true to yourself.

image via
What Do We Leave To The Imagination?

A beautiful quote from Rei Kawakubo “For something to be beautiful, it doesn’t have to be pretty”. The words are golden because we all have our own perception of what is beautiful, yet somehow when I reflect on what we leave to the imagination as a society, the answer is not much. When we think of it as individuals, we have the ability of how much we reveal of ourselves. To leave something to the imagination means to not show or describe all of the parts or details of something. Have you ever read a book, then watched the movie and felt as if the book were better? It’s common in these cases, because our imaginations can create a world that seems even more alive and vibrant in our own mind.

Leaving something to the imagination, is not also in relation to what we wear, but in every aspect of our lives. There are often things that are better to be unsaid, happy memories that don’t need to be captured or enjoyable experiences that can be kept to ourselves. However, I strongly believe there is an importance in modesty, in who we are, what we value and how we present ourselves. In an article here by Gabriella, she says “Somehow, somewhere, sexy became equated with showing everything. Ladies know that sexy means leaving a little something to the imagination. Don’t get me wrong, a tiny dress has its time and place. It’s how you mix it up that makes the difference.”

This was an important quote to touch on, because there’s nothing wrong with wearing a short dress, but it’s how we present ourselves that makes the difference. In a sense it shows how much we have self respect for ourself. An article at Elite Daily, talks about why we should all start leaving a little more to the imagination. I find this such an important topic, in a generation where we are known for over sharing, capturing images and having an excess amount of information with easy access to. Privacy is now a value, because so much of it doesn’t exist the way it used to, when everything is online.

There are many things that are kept to ourselves, whether that’s our thoughts, goals, dreams and achievements, because they give us a sense of quiet, peace and focus in our own lives. As much as it’s great to share with others, sometimes certain things are better left to the imagination. It creates a sense of excitement, mystery and makes life much more interesting! As it mentions in the article: “Not everyone needs to know all our intimate thoughts, desires, wants and wishes. (They don’t even need to know our mundane day-to-days.) … Just because other people may be open books, doesn’t mean we need to bend our covers, too, and lay every single line bare… If we tell everyone everything, there is nothing left to discover.”

Quiet is often a value that’s under looked, because it’s not valued the way it should be. It’s often in the silences that we can learn more about someone. It’s often the conversations filled with meaning that give us true satisfaction. When we think of the imagination, it emcompasses everything. Not only the visual, but the ideas and thoughts. It’s like the way we judge a book by a cover, but discover what a beautiful book it is. Or the way we slowly get to know someone over time, and they become more attractive or less attractive. As the well known quote by Eleanor Roosevelt says Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Art by Yelena Bryksenkova
The Common Misconceptions Of Being Soft Spoken

When I think of soft spoken people, I think of Audrey Hepburn, Katie Holmes and Winona Ryder. The thing with the way we speak is that we don’t really hear ourselves. It’s similar in the sense that we don’t hear our own accent. When I speak, I can’t hear how soft or quiet my voice is, because it’s normal for me. However, I’ve found over the years, there are certain misconceptions and stereotypes made about people who are soft spoken.

I was painfully shy when I was a child at school, even though at home I was very talkative and unafraid of being completely myself. As I grew older, I was much more confident, but I always had a softer voice. Having a soft voice doesn’t mean you can’t be direct, confident and self assured. It simply means that we show those qualities in different ways. I’ve listed below some of the misconceptions where some come from my own personal experience.

Soft spoken people are always quiet. I remember answering a question in class, and the teacher told me to shout the answer, because it would be like a normal speaking voice. I naturally have a gentle voice. I know personally I am more of a quiet person, however I have moments where I’m extremely talkative.

They are a sensitive person. Sensitivity is stigmatised and often seen as a negative, however it shouldn’t be that way. Sensitivity is natural. Some soft spoken people (like me) are indeed more sensitive, and some aren’t. It depends entirely on someones own personality.

Easily influenced, bossed around and manipulated. There is a huge misconception that we can’t be assertive. Soft spoken express confidence in different ways, without the need to be loud. Too often loud is equated with power and confidence. I know for myself, I don’t allow anyone to treat me unfairly.

They aren’t able to speak up for themselves. Similar to the previous point, most people are able to stand up for themselves. It doesn’t always mean we have to get angry about it, but we just express it differently. I know that if someone crosses my line, I will be very direct. But I also know, I tend to hold certain things inside that aren’t necessary to express, if they won’t change the situation.

Gullible and easy to believe anything. This stereotype definitely comes from how we just naturally want to be nice and polite. I know that when I was at school, I was definitely gullible in the sense that I was too trusting, and tried to see the good in everyone. Unfortunately not everyone is an honest person.

We are always extremely polite. I can’t count the amount of compliments, when people say “you’re such a nice person”. I still remember when I was very assertive with someone, they got a shock, because of the contrast of me being a soft person. It can be off putting for some people as people expect you to always be polite and nice.

They can’t take on leadership roles. In this point, I want to state that soft spoken people can be an introvert or extrovert. There are many introverts who were soft spoken, who did great things and made great changes. I think of Rosa Parks who was a civil rights activist, stood up in a bus refusing to give her seat up to a white passenger.

Soft spoken people are shy and quiet. I do consider myself more of a quiet and low key person, and I definitely am shy in certain situations, but not all the time. There is a connection that being soft means you must be quiet, shy, socially awkward and a long list of stereotypes. However, everyone is different, some people are and some people aren’t.

We rarely get angry. Over the years, there have been countless times someone says “I really can’t imagine you angry”. The thing is everyone is an emotional being, and we all cry and laugh, however each person expresses their emotions in different ways.

We prefer to listen rather than talk. Being soft spoken doesn’t mean we aren’t interested to chat or be noticed in a conversation. Everyone’s views are usually shared, and I know that many soft spoken people are naturally listeners, but many also love to talk!

Being soft spoken means you’re soft. This is the most natural association, considering the word soft is in soft spoken. Some soft spoken people tend to be more gentle and quiet, there are many soft spoken people who are very outgoing and energetic. Being soft spoken doesn’t deliberately mean you are in a certain category, it simply means that that is the sound of your voice. Your voice is important, but it doesn’t define your personality.

image via
The Fine Art Of Not Giving A Fudge

When we care less about certain voices in our minds or the words of others, we become more happy and free. We let go of negative judgment from those we aren’t close to, and we feel unaffected by criticism that has no value to our self growth. It means wearing what you want, saying what you need to and being the person you truly are. The art of not giving a fudge, means that you know that people will judge no matter what you do. Which is why you know the importance of being true to yourself, because no matter what, we cannot live our lives to please others.

The fact of the matter is that many of us do care to different degrees what someone may think of us. These will be a range of aspects, which may be the way we look, move, talk, wear and the list goes on. Some people will care less and some will care more. I find that as you grow older, you start to care less and less. For many people, they feel more grounded in who they are, and embrace themselves as a person. An example in the past, would be how I would be conscious of how I’m a much more soft spoken person. However, over the years it’s something I really embrace about myself. It’s part of who I am.

The beauty of not giving a fudge is the comfort you feel in your skin, and the self love you give yourself. Picture a person walking a long the street in stylish clothes, and completely pulling it off effortlessly. They walk with complete confidence, and an air of not giving a thought or care of any judgment from the passerby’s. You can feel how comfortable they are. Then imagine someone who looks uncomfortable in what they’re wearing. It’s not always a visual aspect, but the way we communicate, act, move and talk can express a lot in terms of who we are as a person.

It means that you don’t give too much time wondering if people like you. The thing about being yourself, is that you are less likely to spend time wondering what other people think. It means that you accept yourself for who you are, and you make peace when you hear negative judgment from others. You have an open mind, and can differentiate between what words should be absorbed and what should just go from one ear and out the other. It means making your own decisions in life, without feeling the need to conform to popular opinion or have validation from others.

When people judge, it’s none of our business, because it’s very often a reflection of who they are as a person. It’s a reflection of how they are feeling inside. There’s a huge difference between constructive criticism and blatant judgment. The truth is people don’t think about others as much as you may think, because they are likely thinking of themselves. We are our own biggest critic. Most people are preoccupied with their own lives. The destruction happens when we compare our lives to other people. Instead, there’s an importance in appreciating and understanding that everyone has different jobs, career, relationships, hobbies and path in life.

If you like to wear certain clothing, do your makeup a certain way, have a quirky sense of humour, laugh a certain way, like to dance in public or talk about topics that interest you, embrace that. That’s what makes you you. Give yourself that benefit of being the person you were born to be, rather than molding into what society expects. The truth is that we can’t be best friends with everyone. Self respect means that you stick with your own values and are not easily swayed by what others say. You stand up for what you believe in. That’s when you can feel fulfilled in life.

I find that going more and more out of your comfort zone, means you create more experiences. You explore and discover more of the things you love. You surround yourself with people who you truly connect with. You don’t waste time on thoughts about others, but focus on self improvement and enjoyment in your own life. More often, we care more about what our loved ones think, because we value their opinions and advice. In this case, it’s different compared to what a stranger may say. We have a choice in what we give care and time to. No matter what, no one knows your journey. Be comfortable with being different, no one should try to be same as one another.

Eva Green in The Dreamers (2004)
The Beauty Of Walking Long Distances

I recently finished reading a book called A Philosophy of Walking by Frédéric Gros. It was such a beautiful read. It was a peaceful feeling walking to the rose gardens the other day, knowing I’d read a book about walking! If you have ever read Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or watched Keira Knightley in the film adaptation, then you may appreciate Elizabeth Bennet’s love of walking. There’s such a sense of pure satisfaction of soaking in the morning sunlight, cool air and nature around oneself. The feeling of being another stranger in the crowd, going on an adventure or getting lost and discovering a new place.

The beauty of growing up in the country side is that walking is a daily joy. Your senses thank you for the breath of fresh air, birds singing, rolling green hills and the feeling of gravel and grass under your soles. If there are any places within walking distance of half an hour in the city, I prefer to walk instead of taking the bus or train. I was walking in the art gallery the other day, and it was one of the most therapeutic and simple things that brought so much enjoyment. The feeling of being surrounded by nature, art and books is some of the little joys in life.

Have you ever noticed if you’ve ever had a terrible day, walking seems to allow your mind to think with more clarity or just let the stress lessen even just a little? In that moment, you don’t feel completely stuck in your mind enclosed in your room, but the world around you reminds you that you’re not completely alone. Walking is good for your body, soul and your existence. It gives a sense of purpose, meaning and peace in ones life. The simple act of moving one foot in front of the other, sets our mind free. It opens us to see the world. Many writers venture out into the world to experience, before being fully absorbed into writing parts of a novel.

There is time for reflections, thoughts, ideas and imagination to run wild. Walking relieves the heavy weight of anxiety or emotional pain. Gros talks about how there are those who walk for a short period of time during the day as a boost, while others walk for hours and hours. The feeling of walking to a destination, such as the library, art gallery or park always fills me with a sense of small purpose. It may sound unimportant to another, but as I set out on the journey to the place, it makes me feel rewarded once I arrive. When we walk, we are just another being walking on this Earth. It’s a gentle reminder of the importance of solitude.

I remember as a child, walking was like play in the way that you’d feel excited when you arrive somewhere, see something new or meet someone. The curiosity, adventure and journey was rewarding. In a world where there is a fixation on fitness, walking is often overlooked, when it has endless benefits for our overall well being. Taking the action to walk out the door for a walk is necessary in a life where we create complexities. The simplicity of walking reminds us that it’s always the little things. It makes one not become so attached to their own troubles in life. It lets us observe the strangers walking past us, and remind ourselves that everyone’s lives are on a different path.

We have a wider perspective, a sense of renewed energy and a calmer self when we go outdoors for a walk. When we walk, we are reminded to take it easy and enjoy life at a steady pace, rather than rushing through it. In the words of Shakespeare, All the World’s a Stage, we can be anyone when we walk. There isn’t an attachment to identity, and therefore we ignore any titles or labels of ourselves. It’s one of the most natural things we can possibly do, starting from the moment we learn to walk as a baby.

We have all the space, time and possibilities. You are the only one who can take those steps to where ever you’re headed to. No one else can walk them for you. There’s awareness, presence and discovery into the unknown or a familiar environment. Repetition in walking can be a comforting motion. It can be a way of escaping or a way of understanding. That is why walking is such an essential part of our lives. We are blessed to have these two legs that can take us around the world, and even just in the streets of our hometown.

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
The Struggle Of Writing What You Can’t Express

Do you ever have those moments, where the thoughts in your mind are not as eloquently expressed when spoken out loud? Perhaps you have a day where you sit down to write in your journal, but the words don’t seem to flow. Your mind is at a pause. It’s the difficulty of expressing how you are feeling, and being able to put them smoothly into words. Sometimes it’s because there are just simply no words to express how you may feel. Other times it’s something that makes complete sense in your mind, but it doesn’t make any sense when you speak them out loud. I find that happens often when I want to express something, it doesn’t always make sense to someone else.

The truth is it is much easier to express your feelings through writing, rather than speaking them out loud. If you ever feel very deeply, sometimes the only way to understand those feelings is to listen to music, surround yourself with nature or do something peaceful. It may be finding self expression in drawing, cooking, exercise, dance, playing music or singing. There are also many things that we can’t understand, unless we experience it ourselves. I know for those who have ever been through depression or anxiety, may also feel the struggle of expressing how exactly it feels. It’s very often an invisible feeling, that one can only fully empathise with if they experience it themselves.

Have you ever had someone ask you a question and it takes a while for you to respond? I’m someone who sometimes talks slowly, because I tend to think before I speak. I choose my words wisely depending on who I am talking to. When I’m faced with someone who is asking me a lot of questions, I explain myself, and there are some cases where they still won’t understand what I’m trying to say. Then there are moments, where many people expect an immediate answer or they want you to express how you feel on the spot. If you have anxiety, speaking fluidly can be hard at times. It’s something that takes practice. It’s something you learn, because as you grow older, it’s better to say what you need to say even though it’s not always easy to do so.

Many introverts prefer to write, because it enables us to communicate with more sense. Many introverts are deep thinkers. This means that although we may not be as talkative, we have a colourful mind. There are moments where we need to be direct, but when it comes to complex questions, it can take more time to think of the words to say. Small talk is something that as an introvert, it can be draining and make one feel easily disconnected. When we can’t express out loud how we’re feeling or we can’t write the feelings out on the paper, often we just need to laugh, smile or cry. Articulating oneself doesn’t always come from what we speak. It’s an important aspect of it, but sometimes we just need to read a good book, go to the cinema, attend a seminar or listen to someones story to gain a new perspective and understanding.

Art by Monica Barengo
What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

I believe the title is originally a book from 1981 by American writer Raymond Carver. There are different types of love. Affectionate love, friendship love, romantic love and spiritual love. Affectionate love expresses the fondness and natural love a parent has for their child. The love we may feel towards our family. Friendship love is the love that is freely chosen through connecting in our similarities and admiring one another’s differences. Romantic love is the appreciation for pleasure and the feeling of being deeply in love. Finally, spiritual love is the kind that is felt greatly, for it is felt within ourselves.

When we talk about the word ‘love’ what exactly do we talk about? What images, feeling, colours, memories does such a simple yet powerful word evoke? Perhaps for some it may conjure up the face of a past love and for others it may be the time they spent with their family. It may allow our senses to be heightened. I think that instead of thinking high and mighty, we must start small and simple to begin to make a difference. The simple act of kindness, that goes hand in hand with values of making a difference, creating unity and helping people. We are all capable of it.

Love makes us think of equality. A world where there is acceptance for all individuals. From the way they look, the colour of their skin, their sexuality, the clothes they wear, their beliefs and the way they may speak. If I ask you to pause for a moment, and asked you: what does love make you think and feel? Listen to the words that come inside of your mind. Whatever you hear, we are all connected in the sense that each human being wants to be loved. We want to feel connected with one another. Learning to love gives a greater appreciation towards nature and beauty without judging it, especially in a world that judges greatly.

Growing up we are taught to hide our feelings as adults. This causes us to become more inward, rather than outward in showing emotions. The strong resistance in trying to fight looking ‘weak’ and appear strong, means that we hide our greatest strength. It sounds ironic, but I deeply believe this to be true, when many of us have the capabilities of creating huge differences in how we are feeling and the energy we give into the world. Even I could not deny, how much I may limit my ability to spread simple acts of love each day. The action can be spread through words of kindness, giving a helping hand towards someone or contacting an old friend.

There are many voices everyday from the media and from those around us, that convince us to be divided in many ways. Even divided in ourselves. They say that our bodies are not beautiful enough, that our features are flawed and the colour of our skin makes us a target. Even the physical elements of how we should love are taken into tearing it down. For what benefit and gain? Acceptance is key for great change to take place. When we talk about love, we must first talk about the love that comes from within. For without it, we cannot be able to go about our day and expect to get along with everyone, if we cannot learn to be selfless and accept ourselves.

Let’s return to the four kinds of love. Affectionate love: It is the most humble of all four loves. It is the enjoyment of ones company and the fondness through familiarity, especially among family. Friendship love: It is a strong bond between people who share common interests. Romantic love: The state of ‘being in love’. It is most felt and only seeks one person. Spiritual love: This is the most selfless and unconditional love. One that causes us to spread love to those who are undeserving of love, because it comes from the decision, rather than emotions. It gives freely and asks for nothing in return. However, the emotions are boosted from the other three loves. Spiritual love strengthens the soul and fosters emotional health and self-confidence.

When we open our eyes to the realisation of how much love is within this world, we also open up to how much is within ourselves, and vice versa. Anyone is capable of selfless love. But, everyone craves the four kinds of love because it is what connects us with people. Love is to feel connected, never divided. It’s important to remember this because when we talk about love, we often mention the issues surrounding the lack of positive change. However, there is far greater change we are making and can continue to do so through mindful actions and positive feeling. Every individual has the power to create acts of kindness.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Art from Kiki’s Delivery Service
People Will Judge No Matter What You Do In Life

No matter how successful we are in our lives or how badly we may fall, we will always be judged. It happens no matter if we are striving for something, making a change in our lives or taking action for something. There is a strange peace in knowing that we can’t please everyone in the world. We can only do what we feel is right in our heart. There is a huge difference between someone who talks about facts and truths, compared to someone who gossips about others. Talking of others with facts or speaking of them kindly is hugely different to those who completely judge those they don’t really know.

People will judge automatically on the way someone appears, dress, moves, speak, what they study, where they work, how much money they earn, where they live, what their friends are like etc. We all do it in the sense that we all have our own opinions. Those who are less judgmental are often more loving towards those around them. It’s a terrible feeling when we feel judged or spoken about without any facts. No one enjoys the feeling of being talked about, yet many still engage in talking about others. An important message to remember is that others opinions about you, do not define who you are as a person.

If you have nothing nice or constructive to say, don’t say anything at all. We all have thoughts, opinions and our perceptions in life. However, not all things are needed to be said out loud. Sometimes they can hurt the person or only bring negativity. Especially when words don’t encourage improvement, positive change or motivation, they can be kept inside. Those who speak unkindly about others are only reflecting who they are as a person. When I catch myself feeling frustrated, I try to maintain a neutral view and remember that everyone is different.

Judgement comes from those who want to feel that they are more superior. It may also be because they want to find a flaw to bring you down, to make themselves feel better. It can also come from disapproval of someones actions or appearance. I think everyone’s seen on the media, how they constantly bring down celebrities. If someone is too skinny they may have anorexia, and if they gain more weight, they tell us that they might be pregnant or overweight. No one ever wins, because people will always find something negative to point out. Remember that your self worth isn’t formed by others validation or approval.

When we are judged through our appearances and what can be seen, it’s like reading a cover of a book, and never reading the content. The way we feel in our lives shouldn’t be relied on how others feel about us. Never rely on others for your own happiness. Don’t be afraid to do what you want in life because you fear what others will say. When you strive for the stars, people will still whisper. Do it anyway for yourself. Everyone makes their own mistakes and goes through tough times. Nobody is perfect in this world. What is important is to stay true to who you are, and go for the things you want in your life.

Art by Helena Perez Garcia
The Most Beautiful Things In Life Can’t Be Seen

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. -Helen Keller. A beautiful reminder that reminds us to place more value on how we can become a better person through our mind and heart. Everything that is important to us in our lives are never materials or appearances. They tend to be our loved ones, the world we live in and the relationships and memories we have in our lives. “I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams…” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.

“There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.” ― Audrey Hepburn. Women in the media are constantly seen only by their physicality. They’re judged by their appearances which can cause many people to put more self worth in the way they look. Women should be seen through their wisdom, intelligence, abilities and strength. A women is more than a pretty face. There is no amount of makeup or amount of clothes that can hide an ugly heart.

I have to express that, because it seems strange to me when people are more often celebrated for their body and appearances than what is inside. I read an article titled The Beauty In Real Sex Appeal, which unfolds the quote in more detail: “Audrey Hepburn. The woman of her time. She was the face of classiness in Hollywood during the Sixties but she did not succumb to allowing herself to be viewed as a mere sex-object. Rather she was esteemed as a legend in the realm of wholesome beauty and class…What does this mean? She is so eloquently saying that just by being created a woman that she is sexy.”

This explains how much our society needs to really grasp the message of true beauty. In the article, Leonhardt also writes: “Audrey Hepburn celebrated her womanliness, her sex appeal, not in some minuscule attempt by unveiling the mystery of who she is in the bedroom to the entire world but instead by showing her grace, class and wholesome beauty through the way she conducted herself. She showed the extraordinaire of her body through ordinary things like simply standing in the rain. That inner confidence of beauty is real sex appeal.” Social Media is now a common example of millions of people who receive attention for showing their body and face.

“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” ― Audrey Hepburn. You can tell a lot about someones heart, from what they say to other people. This is extremely true, as this often shows our true nature. You can also tell a lot from how someone treats other people. A person that only speaks about other people by gossiping, is likely to be untrustworthy and focused on others lives. A person that doesn’t go into others business, but speaks words of kindness and truth, reflects a lot about themselves.

When we look with the heart, we remember what is important in life. “What is essential is invisible to the eye.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince. It’s those moments we laugh that give us the greatest joy in life. It’s the feeling of helping others and bringing a smile to their face. The most simple things like being surrounded by nature, can give us the feeling of great peace and appreciation. Think of the feeling when you wake up to look at a sunrise, listen to a song that moves you or that feeling of embracing someone you haven’t seen in a long time. That kind of beauty touches our heart.

Audrey Hepburn photographed by Sam Shaw in Paris,1957
The Joy Of Spending Time In Your Own World

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone. – Orson Welles. Our bodies are the home we live in for the rest of our lives. Feeling lonely is feeling unwanted and isolated. Whereas being alone means having no one around. The saying really expresses how we walk on our own solo journey in life. Since I was a child, I was quite a daydreamer, people watcher and prone to losing sense of presence and time. Perhaps it was a form of escapicism. It’s funny how such small things such as dining alone, can cause most people to feel lonely. I feel a peaceful kind of solitude in eating, reading, thinking, cooking, exercising or walking alone.

Spending time alone in silence is the gentle reminder of the company we have. It gives time for reflections, thoughts and memories to unfold. It allows you to understand yourself in more depth and invites you to discover what makes you happy. Truly happy. Not the kind of feeling that one wants to look like they have it all in front of others. Nor is it a superficial, instant gratification or materialistic kind of satisfaction. It’s the pure feeling of being comfortable in ones own company by doing the most simple things. The realisation that we don’t need a lot of things in order to be joyful in our lives. At the end of the day, the relationship with ourselves is one of the most important one of all.

The simple things in life give us the greatest joys. Do you remember when you were a child, the way you could spend hours playing with your toys or digging up the mud. Sometimes it can be anything from a meal or a passing ladybird that makes my day.

Spending time alone relieves stress and anxiety. If I am uncomfortable, it’s easy for me to feel ongoing stress and a need to escape. However, being alone gives me instant comfort. Listening to music, reading a book, drinking a hot chocolate, writing in a diary or simply staring out the window.

Discovering your imagination and creativity. Your inner world is boundless. By discovering more of the world inside of you, will allow you to better understand yourself as a person. It also allows a sense of self in the way that you don’t conform to ideals, but you create what comes from your heart.

You grow a certain confidence in yourself. The more time you spend alone, the more moments you are able to take in order to forgive, make peace and move on. Over the years, the sense of getting to know and understand myself more, makes me far more comfortable in ones own skin.

Thoughts are able to think with more clarity. When we are faced with many opinions from other people, it’s easy to hear different voices of something in that moment. However, time alone often gives us time to think clearly about how we might feel about something.

There is no hiding who you are. When we are in the presence of those we’re close to, we are far more ourselves than when we are with those we don’t. I believe in being yourself, but I will rarely allow someone to know what I’m completely like unless I grow closer and closer to them. Those are the moments I will gradually peel back the layers of my personality.

Silence is a powerful teacher. There is wisdom in the quiet moments. Similar to the way we can feel a certain kind of calmness with a close friend in complete silence, it is the same when we are with ourselves. We learn to breathe and live life one moment at a time, rather than rushing through the noise.

Your happiness ultimately comes from within. Never rely on someone else for your happiness. Being alone is a reminder that your choices, emotions and decisions are only affected by others, if you allow it to. In the end, when you wake up in the morning, you are the decider of a good or bad day.

Art by Carson Ellis