Tien-Jen

The Struggle Of Writing What You Can’t Express

Do you ever have those moments, where the thoughts in your mind are not as eloquently expressed when spoken out loud? Perhaps you have a day where you sit down to write in your journal, but the words don’t seem to flow. Your mind is at a pause. It’s the difficulty of expressing how you are feeling, and being able to put them smoothly into words. Sometimes it’s because there are just simply no words to express how you may feel. Other times it’s something that makes complete sense in your mind, but it doesn’t make any sense when you speak them out loud. I find that happens often when I want to express something, it doesn’t always make sense to someone else.

The truth is it is much easier to express your feelings through writing, rather than speaking them out loud. If you ever feel very deeply, sometimes the only way to understand those feelings is to listen to music, surround yourself with nature or do something peaceful. It may be finding self expression in drawing, cooking, exercise, dance, playing music or singing. There are also many things that we can’t understand, unless we experience it ourselves. I know for those who have ever been through depression or anxiety, may also feel the struggle of expressing how exactly it feels. It’s very often an invisible feeling, that one can only fully empathise with if they experience it themselves.

Have you ever had someone ask you a question and it takes a while for you to respond? I’m someone who sometimes talks slowly, because I tend to think before I speak. I choose my words wisely depending on who I am talking to. When I’m faced with someone who is asking me a lot of questions, I explain myself, and there are some cases where they still won’t understand what I’m trying to say. Then there are moments, where many people expect an immediate answer or they want you to express how you feel on the spot. If you have anxiety, speaking fluidly can be hard at times. It’s something that takes practice. It’s something you learn, because as you grow older, it’s better to say what you need to say even though it’s not always easy to do so.

Many introverts prefer to write, because it enables us to communicate with more sense. Many introverts are deep thinkers. This means that although we may not be as talkative, we have a colourful mind. There are moments where we need to be direct, but when it comes to complex questions, it can take more time to think of the words to say. Small talk is something that as an introvert, it can be draining and make one feel easily disconnected. When we can’t express out loud how we’re feeling or we can’t write the feelings out on the paper, often we just need to laugh, smile or cry. Articulating oneself doesn’t always come from what we speak. It’s an important aspect of it, but sometimes we just need to read a good book, go to the cinema, attend a seminar or listen to someones story to gain a new perspective and understanding.

Art by Monica Barengo
What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

I believe the title is originally a book from 1981 by American writer Raymond Carver. There are different types of love. Affectionate love, friendship love, romantic love and spiritual love. Affectionate love expresses the fondness and natural love a parent has for their child. The love we may feel towards our family. Friendship love is the love that is freely chosen through connecting in our similarities and admiring one another’s differences. Romantic love is the appreciation for pleasure and the feeling of being deeply in love. Finally, spiritual love is the kind that is felt greatly, for it is felt within ourselves.

When we talk about the word ‘love’ what exactly do we talk about? What images, feeling, colours, memories does such a simple yet powerful word evoke? Perhaps for some it may conjure up the face of a past love and for others it may be the time they spent with their family. It may allow our senses to be heightened. I think that instead of thinking high and mighty, we must start small and simple to begin to make a difference. The simple act of kindness, that goes hand in hand with values of making a difference, creating unity and helping people. We are all capable of it.

Love makes us think of equality. A world where there is acceptance for all individuals. From the way they look, the colour of their skin, their sexuality, the clothes they wear, their beliefs and the way they may speak. If I ask you to pause for a moment, and asked you: what does love make you think and feel? Listen to the words that come inside of your mind. Whatever you hear, we are all connected in the sense that each human being wants to be loved. We want to feel connected with one another. Learning to love gives a greater appreciation towards nature and beauty without judging it, especially in a world that judges greatly.

Growing up we are taught to hide our feelings as adults. This causes us to become more inward, rather than outward in showing emotions. The strong resistance in trying to fight looking ‘weak’ and appear strong, means that we hide our greatest strength. It sounds ironic, but I deeply believe this to be true, when many of us have the capabilities of creating huge differences in how we are feeling and the energy we give into the world. Even I could not deny, how much I may limit my ability to spread simple acts of love each day. The action can be spread through words of kindness, giving a helping hand towards someone or contacting an old friend.

There are many voices everyday from the media and from those around us, that convince us to be divided in many ways. Even divided in ourselves. They say that our bodies are not beautiful enough, that our features are flawed and the colour of our skin makes us a target. Even the physical elements of how we should love are taken into tearing it down. For what benefit and gain? Acceptance is key for great change to take place. When we talk about love, we must first talk about the love that comes from within. For without it, we cannot be able to go about our day and expect to get along with everyone, if we cannot learn to be selfless and accept ourselves.

Let’s return to the four kinds of love. Affectionate love: It is the most humble of all four loves. It is the enjoyment of ones company and the fondness through familiarity, especially among family. Friendship love: It is a strong bond between people who share common interests. Romantic love: The state of ‘being in love’. It is most felt and only seeks one person. Spiritual love: This is the most selfless and unconditional love. One that causes us to spread love to those who are undeserving of love, because it comes from the decision, rather than emotions. It gives freely and asks for nothing in return. However, the emotions are boosted from the other three loves. Spiritual love strengthens the soul and fosters emotional health and self-confidence.

When we open our eyes to the realisation of how much love is within this world, we also open up to how much is within ourselves, and vice versa. Anyone is capable of selfless love. But, everyone craves the four kinds of love because it is what connects us with people. Love is to feel connected, never divided. It’s important to remember this because when we talk about love, we often mention the issues surrounding the lack of positive change. However, there is far greater change we are making and can continue to do so through mindful actions and positive feeling. Every individual has the power to create acts of kindness.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Art from Kiki’s Delivery Service
People Will Judge No Matter What You Do In Life

No matter how successful we are in our lives or how badly we may fall, we will always be judged. It happens no matter if we are striving for something, making a change in our lives or taking action for something. There is a strange peace in knowing that we can’t please everyone in the world. We can only do what we feel is right in our heart. There is a huge difference between someone who talks about facts and truths, compared to someone who gossips about others. Talking of others with facts or speaking of them kindly is hugely different to those who completely judge those they don’t really know.

People will judge automatically on the way someone appears, dress, moves, speak, what they study, where they work, how much money they earn, where they live, what their friends are like etc. We all do it in the sense that we all have our own opinions. Those who are less judgmental are often more loving towards those around them. It’s a terrible feeling when we feel judged or spoken about without any facts. No one enjoys the feeling of being talked about, yet many still engage in talking about others. An important message to remember is that others opinions about you, do not define who you are as a person.

If you have nothing nice or constructive to say, don’t say anything at all. We all have thoughts, opinions and our perceptions in life. However, not all things are needed to be said out loud. Sometimes they can hurt the person or only bring negativity. Especially when words don’t encourage improvement, positive change or motivation, they can be kept inside. Those who speak unkindly about others are only reflecting who they are as a person. When I catch myself feeling frustrated, I try to maintain a neutral view and remember that everyone is different.

Judgement comes from those who want to feel that they are more superior. It may also be because they want to find a flaw to bring you down, to make themselves feel better. It can also come from disapproval of someones actions or appearance. I think everyone’s seen on the media, how they constantly bring down celebrities. If someone is too skinny they may have anorexia, and if they gain more weight, they tell us that they might be pregnant or overweight. No one ever wins, because people will always find something negative to point out. Remember that your self worth isn’t formed by others validation or approval.

When we are judged through our appearances and what can be seen, it’s like reading a cover of a book, and never reading the content. The way we feel in our lives shouldn’t be relied on how others feel about us. Never rely on others for your own happiness. Don’t be afraid to do what you want in life because you fear what others will say. When you strive for the stars, people will still whisper. Do it anyway for yourself. Everyone makes their own mistakes and goes through tough times. Nobody is perfect in this world. What is important is to stay true to who you are, and go for the things you want in your life.

Art by Helena Perez Garcia
The Most Beautiful Things In Life Can’t Be Seen

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. -Helen Keller. A beautiful reminder that reminds us to place more value on how we can become a better person through our mind and heart. Everything that is important to us in our lives are never materials or appearances. They tend to be our loved ones, the world we live in and the relationships and memories we have in our lives. “I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams…” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.

“There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.” ― Audrey Hepburn. Women in the media are constantly seen only by their physicality. They’re judged by their appearances which can cause many people to put more self worth in the way they look. Women should be seen through their wisdom, intelligence, abilities and strength. A women is more than a pretty face. There is no amount of makeup or amount of clothes that can hide an ugly heart.

I have to express that, because it seems strange to me when people are more often celebrated for their body and appearances than what is inside. I read an article titled The Beauty In Real Sex Appeal, which unfolds the quote in more detail: “Audrey Hepburn. The woman of her time. She was the face of classiness in Hollywood during the Sixties but she did not succumb to allowing herself to be viewed as a mere sex-object. Rather she was esteemed as a legend in the realm of wholesome beauty and class…What does this mean? She is so eloquently saying that just by being created a woman that she is sexy.”

This explains how much our society needs to really grasp the message of true beauty. In the article, Leonhardt also writes: “Audrey Hepburn celebrated her womanliness, her sex appeal, not in some minuscule attempt by unveiling the mystery of who she is in the bedroom to the entire world but instead by showing her grace, class and wholesome beauty through the way she conducted herself. She showed the extraordinaire of her body through ordinary things like simply standing in the rain. That inner confidence of beauty is real sex appeal.” Social Media is now a common example of millions of people who receive attention for showing their body and face.

“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” ― Audrey Hepburn. You can tell a lot about someones heart, from what they say to other people. This is extremely true, as this often shows our true nature. You can also tell a lot from how someone treats other people. A person that only speaks about other people by gossiping, is likely to be untrustworthy and focused on others lives. A person that doesn’t go into others business, but speaks words of kindness and truth, reflects a lot about themselves.

When we look with the heart, we remember what is important in life. “What is essential is invisible to the eye.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince. It’s those moments we laugh that give us the greatest joy in life. It’s the feeling of helping others and bringing a smile to their face. The most simple things like being surrounded by nature, can give us the feeling of great peace and appreciation. Think of the feeling when you wake up to look at a sunrise, listen to a song that moves you or that feeling of embracing someone you haven’t seen in a long time. That kind of beauty touches our heart.

Audrey Hepburn photographed by Sam Shaw in Paris,1957
The Joy Of Spending Time In Your Own World

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone. – Orson Welles. Our bodies are the home we live in for the rest of our lives. Feeling lonely is feeling unwanted and isolated. Whereas being alone means having no one around. The saying really expresses how we walk on our own solo journey in life. Since I was a child, I was quite a daydreamer, people watcher and prone to losing sense of presence and time. Perhaps it was a form of escapicism. It’s funny how such small things such as dining alone, can cause most people to feel lonely. I feel a peaceful kind of solitude in eating, reading, thinking, cooking, exercising or walking alone.

Spending time alone in silence is the gentle reminder of the company we have. It gives time for reflections, thoughts and memories to unfold. It allows you to understand yourself in more depth and invites you to discover what makes you happy. Truly happy. Not the kind of feeling that one wants to look like they have it all in front of others. Nor is it a superficial, instant gratification or materialistic kind of satisfaction. It’s the pure feeling of being comfortable in ones own company by doing the most simple things. The realisation that we don’t need a lot of things in order to be joyful in our lives. At the end of the day, the relationship with ourselves is one of the most important one of all.

The simple things in life give us the greatest joys. Do you remember when you were a child, the way you could spend hours playing with your toys or digging up the mud. Sometimes it can be anything from a meal or a passing ladybird that makes my day.

Spending time alone relieves stress and anxiety. If I am uncomfortable, it’s easy for me to feel ongoing stress and a need to escape. However, being alone gives me instant comfort. Listening to music, reading a book, drinking a hot chocolate, writing in a diary or simply staring out the window.

Discovering your imagination and creativity. Your inner world is boundless. By discovering more of the world inside of you, will allow you to better understand yourself as a person. It also allows a sense of self in the way that you don’t conform to ideals, but you create what comes from your heart.

You grow a certain confidence in yourself. The more time you spend alone, the more moments you are able to take in order to forgive, make peace and move on. Over the years, the sense of getting to know and understand myself more, makes me far more comfortable in ones own skin.

Thoughts are able to think with more clarity. When we are faced with many opinions from other people, it’s easy to hear different voices of something in that moment. However, time alone often gives us time to think clearly about how we might feel about something.

There is no hiding who you are. When we are in the presence of those we’re close to, we are far more ourselves than when we are with those we don’t. I believe in being yourself, but I will rarely allow someone to know what I’m completely like unless I grow closer and closer to them. Those are the moments I will gradually peel back the layers of my personality.

Silence is a powerful teacher. There is wisdom in the quiet moments. Similar to the way we can feel a certain kind of calmness with a close friend in complete silence, it is the same when we are with ourselves. We learn to breathe and live life one moment at a time, rather than rushing through the noise.

Your happiness ultimately comes from within. Never rely on someone else for your happiness. Being alone is a reminder that your choices, emotions and decisions are only affected by others, if you allow it to. In the end, when you wake up in the morning, you are the decider of a good or bad day.

Art by Carson Ellis
People Come And Go In Our Lives For A Reason

There is a reason why people come and go (or stay) in our lives. When I reflect back on the people I have met over the course of my life, I realise that no matter what the relationship was like with the person, I learned something from it. It’s very common for people to ask others, how someone is doing and what they’re up to now, as I’ve come to realise. But it’s rare that they truly care, and more often they just want to gossip about it. They will talk about things that they know the details of about two sentences of. I say this because I only have a very very small amount of people I talk to in my life, who know what I’m going through. It shows that often the people we will have a long term (or life time) relationship with, are the ones who truly care.

People come and go in our lives, but this happens in a lot of other aspects of our lives. These include jobs, material possessions, familiarity, new places and such. The lessons we learn from mistakes, experiences, people, new things and memories. When we are young, it’s natural to have different friendship groups especially because we change so much during those years. A common example in the way people come and go, is the way we interact and see everyone everyday at school. The day when everyone leaves the nest, people tend to only keep in contact with those that also put in the effort, time and care for. That is when you will learn that many friends interact with others out of convenience and other friendships last through distance and time.

The people who come may be in your life at that time to help you through a period of struggle or share joyful moments together. They may be someone who shows you their true colours, and teaches you the importance of surrounding yourself with those with similar values. Everyone will share different advice, but it’s the choice and ability to choose the one that is beneficial to yourself. The wonderful thing about meeting new people, is the way that we are all just strangers walking by. There is so much to discover and get to know from a person when we take the time. The encounters we have can often teach us something about the person or about ourselves. We discover more about how our mind works and how someone else may see the world.

The people who go may go naturally or through different reasons. Perhaps it may of developed into a toxic relationship, other times someone may be moving away and sometimes it’s simply that time to go separate ways. We won’t be best friends with every person in our lives, and every relationship will have its ups and downs. It’s like a chapter beautifully closing and other times it’s a chapter of your life that is much needed. People are living their own life, they’re moving and changing and sometimes two people cannot move the same direction together. It means that they must go away on their separate paths. An example is a beautiful friend I met last year. She was always there to show that she cared, listened and we shared lovely conversations together. But, over time we simply moved on with our own lives.

The people who stay are very often those such as our family and those who we share an emotional connection with over the years. They are people we place our trust and love with. Long term relationships grow over time, because both individuals experience the ups and downs of life’s roller coaster. Even through the tough times, they stick together and make the effort and time to make it work. Life is a journey, not a destination. Time will always keep going and we have to move with it. We’ve all experienced good and bad relationships with people, but a few things I find very important in a positive friendship is to have trust, similar values, the ability to make time, being a good listener, understanding without judgment and sharing joy for the small things.

art by Lieke van der Vorst
You Are Such A Beautiful Person

We see the world differently through our own eyes everyday. I feel like there is this part of myself, that wishes I could tell anyone who has ever felt alone, left out, worthless, ugly, hurt or question what their purpose in life is, I wish I could tell them how beautiful they are as a person. Not in the superficial way. Not in the surface leveled way, but the kind of goodness that goes far far deeper. I truly believe every person is born with goodness in their heart, and every person has the ability to be kind to others. There is a certain beauty we all have that is so different, and that’s what makes us who we are. You are capable of so much more than you know. We all share the same thing in that we were all born into this world, and we will all die on this Earth. I hope this can speak to anyone, on their best days and on their worst days.

You are beautiful through your kindness and heart. It radiates warmth and light into others life and brings a smile to their face.

You are beautiful the way you smile and the way you cry. Your honesty in expressing your emotions, and feeling the raw feelings straight from your heart is beautiful.

You are beautiful the way you respect your body and feed your soul with good words. Your mind and body is thankful for the kind words and good food.

You are beautiful for sharing love in this world. For helping other people and praying for those in need. For not judging but opening your heart to try understand.

You are beautiful with your bare face in the morning. Your inner self shines through and your personality surpasses any physical beauty.

You are beautiful for treating those as your friend. You do not feel better or higher than the person beside you, but you treat them as your neighbour.

You are beautiful because even when you face failure, you keep trying. Life is not perfect, but you always keep trying and you pick up your feet even when you fall down. You learn from the mistakes to keep improving.

You are beautiful in your honesty and faith. Self belief and truth are two beautiful characteristics. When you believe in yourself, you can do anything you set your mind to. You don’t build the walls in your mind that stop you in life.

You are beautiful when you help others without expecting anything in return. You help because you truly care from the bottom of your heart. You have good intentions.

You are beautiful because you are compassionate. Compassion makes us human. You have empathy and sensitivity towards others.

You are beautiful because of your abilities and intelligence. You are amazing in your own ways, with more potential than you give yourself credit for. You are so beautiful through your intelligence and wisdom.

If you are the sort of person who tells yourself that you are not beautiful, I really pray that you could try tell yourself once a day in the mirror, and say “I’m a beautiful person.” because you really are. Everyone is going through their own struggles in life and living their daily challenges. We are all walking on the Earth on our own journey. When I tell you you are a beautiful person, I hope you can understand that your beauty comes straight from your heart. Your experiences make you stronger, and the strive to live a positive life and bring light into the world makes you such a beautiful person!

photo via
The Healing Power Of Writing

Have you ever felt as if you can’t quite articulate something vocally, the way you may think of it in your mind? Writing everything translates much more fluidly from your mind to your fingertips. Till this day I am not the best at expressing myself fully, the way I may want other’s to understand. However, when I write it down it all makes perfect sense.

What ever brings a smile to your face or saddens your heart, writing has a way of healing by bringing clarity and reflection. When I read my past writing, I realise how much I have come and how much I have learned. My perspectives may have changed or stayed the same. When I finished writing those words in my diary or in an article, they made me feel released in a way, just to get it on paper. You can read over it and feel more clear about how you were feeling and thinking about certain situations. Reading and Writing are the great escapes into adventure and imagination.

What a wonderful way to express emotion. In a world that often tells us to hide how we are feeling, writing is a way to set free how we feel deep within. I remember reading The Diary of Anne Frank. It was remarkable to read her diary entries and it made me feel inspired by her bravery. We all have words inside of us that we may want others to hear, but a part of ourselves want to keep it to ourselves. Which is why many people may keep a journal. In time, the hurt we feel will heal. The words we once wrote may have been written with a heavy heart, but over time they heal and we can look back and see how far we’ve come.

There are words that need to be written and not said out loud. We all whisper a beautiful story inside of us.

Penning a Letter by George Goodwin Kilburne, 1839-1924.
Beautiful People Are Everywhere

Whenever I walk on the pavement of the city streets, I see the strangers walk past me, and know there is so much history in their lives. But, to only catch a glimpse of their faces, there are so many different feelings an expression can give. A sudden laugh can make you smile, a baby staring at you or a sad face on the bus. Beautiful people are everywhere. It’s a certain rawness, of being seen caught unguarded, unprepared and unaware walking on the streets. Catching someone in mid-thought within their own life. Some look terribly sad and other’s look calm. The way people hold themselves. There is no screen, online image or editing. Just seen through our own lens. It makes one wonder what our perception of beauty would be if we were blind.

No matter what pictures we see on the billboards, on the TV screen or in the magazine, there is a natural beauty within many people. Seeing with our own eyes, rather than images that have been altered to waver our perception of beauty. It’s easy to judge other’s by the way they look and what they wear in the first instance. However, I find that the more we talk to someone, the more beautiful they can be (or the less). The simple things, from opening the door for someone, helping a stranger or expressing gratitude are the small beautiful things that people express.
Tip On How To Save Money And Spend Less

Saving money is a great habit to make, whether you want to minimise the things in your life, pay off the bills, save towards a goal, travel the world or invest for the future. Money does provide a sense of financial security that gives us the daily necessities and long term necessities we need. The importance of saving definitely becomes more and more apparent after leaving home! I think it may be one of the sort of things that makes us realise how much our parents sacrifice for us. One of the realisations I had when I left home, was how much of the things I spent – I didn’t need. The things I needed, I already had. It was something to be so grateful for, yet it’s so easy to forget in a world that is surrounded by materials.

As a fashion lover, I would go clothes shopping every week convincing myself that I would wear it for certain occasions or it would be regularly worn – but, oh how wrong I was! The truth is almost the majority of those clothes ended up being recycled or donated away. Looking through my wardrobe I singled out all the pieces that were good investments. They were worn every year and were in good condition. It’s easy to have a quick spend and feel instant satisfaction, but in long term all the $5, $20, $50 spends adds up to a lot.

Identify what you spend on the most weekly. This could be eating out, watching movies or going shopping. As a predominantly black and white wearer, the clothes I know I am more likely to keep are nude or monochromatic colours. For this reason, I hardly buy clothes unless I know it’s long term. If you spend a lot on eating out, try minimising it by cooking five times a week or if it’s that extra cup of coffee, try making your own coffee at home.

List the things you need and want. Often we can blur the lines between what we want and what we truly need. I find listing out what I want, need and already have helps to give perspective on what is really worth spending my money on. Do I really need that extra pair of shoes to match with my clothes when I already have a black pair?

Set goals and make long term saving plans. Write down the goals that you are saving for short term and long term, then list strategies on how you will do it. It could be: save up for new running shoes by walking to work instead of bussing. Or, it may be, save up for a house by minimising extra spendings on materials. Only spend on food and the necessities but allow an extra spending of $50, $100, $150 per month.

Checking prices and comparing before purchasing. This is great for online shopping and also looking online before heading out to the store. There are often stores that have discounts and a product may be significantly cheaper compared to another. Not to mention, you may find something that is better than what you were searching for.

Remember to still reward yourself. One of the best feelings is saving enough money to buy something you do really want. You took the time to work hard for the money and maybe it’s a new series of books, going to the movies or going out for a dinner with friends. Don’t forget to reward yourself weekly and monthly no matter how small it is.

Self motivate yourself. I find really putting long term goals into my mind and visualising them happening, motivates me to save as much as I can. If you’re saving for a plane ticket for a holiday and limit spending on certain things, it can be so rewarding when you go on your trip. Self control is definitely one that involves a lot of self talk (Do I really need this, What about the … I’m saving for?). Remember that most of the things we want, we already have.

The art is not in making money, but in keeping it. -Proverb

Art by Yelena Bryksenkova