The greatest wisdom that I hear are often in conversations, such as the other day when my dear friend said to me that “Humility is not seeing yourself as above or below anyone.” We all have our insecurities and flaws. We’re only human. Perfectionism can be the death of our own sense of worth because it is an unattainable desire. The lens that we look through everyday comes from the thoughts that we have. The way that we feel comes from the way we speak to ourselves. If we look through a negative lens, then we will feel negative and see things negatively. When we see things through a balanced lens, we can see things rationally and clearly.
The thought that’s been pressing on my mind recently is the ability to have empathy. The human desire to be a better person comes from knowing that we don’t know everything and that we are learning everyday. Empathy comes from listening and putting yourself, truly putting yourself in someone’s shoes by feeling what the other person is feeling. Empathy requires us to be vulnerable and have compassion. Listening allows us to hear stories and perspectives that we wouldn’t otherwise hear. Listening opens up our heart and mind in a beautiful way so that we can have empathy for others.
Humility is the ability to say that you don’t know everything. We are life long learners. It’s the ability to say when you have made a mistake. It’s the ability to be grateful for the small things. We live in a society that places value and attention to external accomplishments. Humility, sensitivity and vulnerability are misinterpreted as a sign of weakness, when in actuality they are the greatest signs of inner strength. We need these crucial elements of existing to truly display acts of love and kindness. Love and empathy can exist when we stop looking inward, and start looking around at the world.
I love this beautiful excerpt: Humility is the understanding that we can’t go it alone. Empathy is the ability to identify with the challenges that have brought other people to where they are. Combined, these two traits invite us into authentic relationships with others, allowing collaborative energy to begin to flow. Humility keeps us open to new information, new insights, new wisdom. Empathy encourages us to unite.
I recommend reading the article The Beautiful Triad-Curiosity, Humility and Empathy here.
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
The word nice is often said as a compliment to say that someone is lovely, sweet and friendly. “You are such a nice person!” was a very common phrase I heard growing up. As time passes by, it has been a blessing and a curse that has taught me many lessons. Being nice is different to being kind. However, from my own experience, it is difficult because my personality is naturally very caring and friendly. It often takes energy to be nice, and there are moments where I really do want to listen and help someone. However, it is important to be careful where you put your energy, otherwise you will experience emotional burnout.
The word nice has connotations of being modest, likable and well-mannered, but it also has negative underlying meanings of being weak, unaware and naïve. As an introvert, I prefer to spend more time having no activities in my calendar. Therefore, learning the art of saying no is very important. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly, but it’s important to know that there is a distinction between being kind and being nice and to set your boundaries with people. Don’t let people walk over you, and take control of who you are.
The pressure to be nice all the time. The words we are told throughout our childhood have impact on our identity. The repetitive nature of being told something can make us believe those words. We begin to associate who we are as a person with those descriptions. The truth is no one can define who you are except for yourself. However, breaking a life time of believing what someone might say is good or bad can take time. It’s not realistic to be positive all the time and this expectation can create added stress and pressure.
The ability to be kind and assertive. The moments I have been assertive are the moments I’ve felt the stress and worry decline. There is a misconception that being assertive means being loud and outgoing. You can be assertive and direct, but still be gracious and kind. Learning to communicate assertively in a fair and kind manner can be a relief to express yourself calmly and directly, yet still stay true to who you are without having to pretend to be anyone else.
Being taken advantage of. A common experience I had growing up was being bossed around or being told what to do. I want to highlight that there is a difference between being asked for a favour, or designated work in a kind and direct manner. As opposed to someone who is taking advantage of you out of dominance and narcissism. There are many kind people in the world, but it’s important to know that there are people who will only engage with you when they need something or want something from you.
Stop caring what other people think. Being caring and compassionate is being human. We have to remember that that is one of the greatest strengths we have as individuals. However, it is also important to stop caring too much what others think of you. The moments I care too much what someone might think, the more I want to try avoid situations that might upset anyone. No matter what we’re doing in our lives, people will always judge no matter if you succeed or fail. When you start to care less, you begin to live for yourself.
Self respect and self assurance. Clearly stating your needs and being fair and open minded shows that you respect yourself. When you are sure about your choices and decisions, then you can communicate these more directly. When you know who you are, when you accept yourself and when you love yourself, that energy shines out into the world. Our self-esteem is lifted when we have a positive self-image of who we are and our identity.
Healthy disagreements are okay. We can’t escape disagreements with people, and having wisdom to not be involved in unhealthy conflict is a good skill to have. However, it’s okay and very normal to have conflict, because we are all human and we can’t agree on everything. There will be problems and situations we get into that may bring discomfort, and learning to face the discomfort and find the best solution is important.
Avoid passive aggressiveness and emotional outbursts. I can say very clearly from personal experience that one of the worst things for your mental health is bottling your emotions up. Learning to regulate your emotions and finding methods to feel calm and communicate clearly to others will save a lot of distress. The periods of my life where I felt deep depression was after a period of bottling everything up without sharing with anyone.
Pain of perfectionism and self-criticism. The strive for perfection is impossible. The more we create an unreachable standard for ourselves, the more stress and pressure we create for ourselves. It can be debilitating and increase feelings of anxiety. I remember thinking if I upset someone, if I spoke up about a certain topic or said something that might cause negative feelings, then it would mean that I’m not a ‘nice’ person. The self-criticism is very intense in my mind.
Speaking your mindand being honest. When we stay silent in the moments where it counts to speak up, we lose our voice. When we are honest in an authentic and well-intended way, we stay true to who we are but we still have the ability to be assertive. Knowing when to stay silent and when to speak up takes wisdom. Being kind means thinking before we speak and considering how our words may impact on the other person. It means seeing things from someone else’s perspective, and then expressing your views. Being nice is often associated with potentially hiding your true feelings, however, you can always be kind and express how you feel.
The power of saying no. When you say no to things that you can’t commit to, you aren’t interested in or you don’t have the desire to engage with, you are setting your boundaries. The choices we make each day will impact on the life we live. If we say yes to everything, we don’t create space for ourselves and we make ourselves too available for others. It will become a set expectations from others that you are always readily available which can make you end up being taken for granted or attracting only those who will get in touch when they need you, not because they want to.
Set clear boundaries for yourself. As a nice person, it’s easy to want to help others and invest yourself into doing more. The more you set boundaries for yourself, the more that other’s can’t take advantage of you, and the more you are clear about where you stand. Our boundaries keep us safe and conserve where we place our energy. It shows the respect that you have for yourself. Boundaries help to keep your emotions in check, avoid social pressure, be clear about what you don’t tolerate, and stay true to who you are as a person.
Avoid burnout by prioritising yourself. When you prioritise yourself, you prioritise your mental health and wellbeing. This is a hard one, because if you are naturally caring and sensitive then you tend to put others needs before your own. It makes me think of when you’re on the plane, and the safety video tells you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping someone else. You have to take care of yourself first. This doesn’t mean that you are being selfish, it means that you are practicing self-care.
Unrealistic expectations of others. We can’t control how other’s react or what they say, we can only be in control of how we react to a situation. When we’re too nice to others, it builds unrealistic expectations that others should do the same. When they do not meet these expectations, you may feel upset or resentful. I’ve noticed this in situations such as in work or friendships. The truth is we shouldn’t waste our energy towards people who don’t care or who only come to you when they need something.
Being kind is the care and compassion we show through our actions. We can be outwardly nice and polite to those around us. We can smile and be friendly with strangers. When we are kind from our heart, it shows genuine care and empathy. Someone can have a serious demeanour, yet they may show their care through their actions. Someone can be outwardly nice all the time, yet in the moments where it really counts, they aren’t present. This is why it’s important to strive to be kind and assertive, and work at it everyday.
Being assertive means that you stand up for your own rights and set your boundaries clearly. There are many situations in my life where I let things slide by, when all it takes is a moment to speak up. This created a lot of unnecessary pain and hurt. I really hope someone reading this can know how important it is to practice and learn to be assertive, and know that being kind and assertive go hand in hand.
It’s important to look at what someone does more than what they say. As you grow older, you realise the deeper meaning of the saying that actions speak louder than words. When I was younger, I was very trustworthy of what other people said, and I liked to think everyone was a good and honest person. It’s common for people to call it innocence, but it was truly because I tried to see the good in others. As individuals, we might say things in certain ways that relate better to different people. We might like to say certain things because we know that’s what the other person wants to hear. We might say thoughts that are honest, or only half said. A person’s true intention is shown through their actions. The values that they hold are reflected through their actions, and how they treat others.
We can say kind words to others, talk about our ideas and the great changes we want to make in the world. However, if we don’t act upon it, then the words lose their meaning. The actions we take show our character. This is also connected to change. When we want to change something about ourselves, it’s easy to say I’ll change. However, in truly believing in them and acting upon them, we prove to ourselves that we are capable of change. Have you ever met someone who had a very serious demeanour about them, but did something so kind towards you that didn’t require any words? It’s those small gestures that show the real character of someone’s heart.
Words have power, and we can comfort, give advice, share ideas and be educated through words. I find that in seeing a person’s character, we should see what they do. There are many people who are smooth talkers and promise makers, but if it doesn’t translate into one’s actions, then we lose trust. Our body language also speaks for a lot of our communication, and sometimes we don’t need someone to speak to see how they might be feeling. This is why it is more exciting to keep a lot of our dreams to ourselves, as our actions will speak when it’s time. It’s easy to say something out loud, and people can always nod a long and appear to be agreeing.
You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. We’ve all been there, where we’ve said we will accomplish this or that. I still remember a wise advice from my dear flute teacher who told me to keep goals to myself as a motivator. There are some goals that don’t need to be told to the world, because over time, they will show themselves. True care towards one another is through the things we would do for one another, not always through the things we say. We can tell someone we care for them, but when they are hurting and we’re not there for them, then the words lose their meaning. It’s the time we give, the actions we take and the way we treat those around us that show our true character.
“Life is too short to be around someone that says they love you but doesn’t show it.”
― Elizabeth Bourgeret
“I never listen to what a person says. I look at what a person does because what they do tells me who they really are.”
In the digital age, the question of privacy seems to be ever changing, as large corporations have an increasing amount of information on individuals. Reading Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier, was eye opening and makes you ask a lot of questions in regards to privacy, technology and social media. However, Social media is a tool and a platform, and it comes down to how we are using it, and what we are using it for. In a sense, surveillance is not simply the cameras on the street or in the shop, but in our daily spaces.
Direct, personalised and targeted marketing is increasing, as algorithms are able to track what we have viewed, searched, liked, shared and purchased. Someone dear to me mentioned the book 1984, which I am currently reading and find it really interesting. However, at the time it seemed unlikely that it may occur, that Big Brother would be watching a person’s every move, but it seems that it’s the reality today. On one hand, we can decide what we want to share, and on the other hand, whatever information is searched, posted and clicked online is always recorded. The sense of mystery in ones life is not as apparent.
I was reading a book by Dr. Libby, and I feel like she always has so much wisdom to share. It really resonated with me, when she wrote “What we focus on is what we feel.” There is so much truth to this, and it makes me think about how powerful our thoughts are. We manifest our reality through our thoughts, energy, and actions. A Beautiful and powerful article by Dr. Libby here on self love. In the article, Dr. Libby writes:
Remember that what we focus on is what we feel. Which is simply to say that if we constantly focus on our perceived flaws, of course it’s going to stir up feelings of lousiness because we will never measure up to our own expectations. It will also likely drive us to continue patterns of behaviour, such as unresourceful eating, that continue to confirm how we feel about ourselves.
The excerpt above made me think of when I had such a strong focus on how I didn’t feel good enough in my body. At the time, I felt physically weak and tired as I wasn’t eating enough, and from not getting enough energy from healthy wholesome foods, my thoughts would spiral into a tunnel of negative thoughts about my body image. However, once the focus was on being healthy and enjoying life, I ate healthier and had a positive attitude and a feeling of gratitude towards my body.
Comparison is the thief of joy. We are all beautifully made in our own way. Everyone is walking on their own journey. No one is supposed to be like the person beside them. Social Media is not real in the sense that no one is smiling all the time, and truly no one is perfect no matter what it looks like. We all ride through the roller-coaster of ups and downs in this thing called life. You are truly beautiful, intelligent, smart and kind in your own way. You don’t need anyone to tell you that, because you just are. You are enough.
I feel a little scared to write this. I was around twelve when I started weighing myself on the scales. I ran in the morning before school, and straight after school when I got home. I drank a lot of water and I ate as much as I liked because my metabolism was a skyrocket. When I left home at sixteen, I developed signs of an eating disorder. I would skip meals, exercise a lot, eat slowly, document what I was eating, weigh myself several times a day, obsess over my BMI and drink a lot of water to feel full. I had depression, anxiety and a fear of gaining weight.
When you grow up with people telling you that you’re skinny and that it’s said as a compliment, there is this pressure that stays inside your mind to maintain that body image. However, now that I’m in my twenties, my body is naturally changing. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be, and I feel more aware of eating healthy and having an active lifestyle. The beauty standard in Asia is to be very petite, but our bodies are all made differently. After many years of struggling with my weight, I feel the healthiest and happiest now. Surround yourself with people who love and support you, do the things that you enjoy and feed your mind with positive words.
There are days where I still struggle, but I know it’s not my true self. The true voice in myself says that your self-worth comes from who you are as a person, and it has nothing to do with the number on the scales. I don’t want to be defined by my weight, but by what I can bring into the world. The title really speaks about my teenage years. In the past, I went through a period where I was feeling a lot of hatred towards myself. I felt not worthy, and there was an overwhelming amount of worry and fear taking over my life. I felt like even though I was stressed, I could control my weight and what I ate. It’s not healthy, because then you end up neglecting your body.
I was 18 when I was living in Sydney in 2015, and it was a time where I really struggled with my body image. I remember gymming more and watching what I was eating. There was fear and insecurity during that period of my life. I felt incredibly lost. My anxiety was crippling at that time, and I really isolated myself. I was regularly going to the doctor and the hospital, and had a lot of health issues. When it comes to eating, I used to feel quite conscious at times when eating a meal in front of people, unless it’s those I’m very close to.
Our bodies are beautiful, sacred, precious and wonderful things that keep us moving, breathing and living life. I do think that it can be damaging if one compliments too much on a persons body size. When you grow up from a child being told that you’re so skinny and that it’s said as a compliment, it’s something that can really stay entrenched in your mind as you grow older. I know that my value lies in my heart, yet there are days where I stare in the mirror and feel a sudden fear of gaining any weight. It all starts in the mind. A persons weight can fluctuate when dealing with stress, anxiety, and depression.
Everyone has insecurities. We all have something inside and out that we’re conscious of. When I think about where I was previously, it was during a period where I was unhappy, and I felt like I wasn’t skinny enough (which was when I was the lightest). I rarely ate in the dining area in a previous flat a few years ago, because I literally didn’t want my flatmates to see me eating. It’s really been this year, where I’ve felt safe in eating in the dining area. It seems like something so small, but it’s a huge change. Since leaving home, there have been periods where I didn’t eat well. When I had feelings of stress, I felt like I didn’t have any appetite.
We often don’t emphasize it enough, but your health is truly your wealth. Without your health, you wouldn’t be able to wake up and conquer the day. You wouldn’t be able to experience this beautiful life. When I didn’t have a healthy mind, it started to affect my body and I felt weak, unmotivated and a loss of energy. It was during that time where I suffered from panic attacks and had very deep depression. Our thoughts are so powerful. When I started being more present, thinking positively and accepting myself as I am, I really felt set free from the cage I’d built inside my mind.
I’ve read so many stories about those who showed warning signs of anorexia, and during those periods where they were the lowest weight, was when they were the unhappiest. Being skinny won’t make you happy. It’s embracing where you are, right here, right now. Accepting yourself as you are. Being grateful for everything that your body has done for you. Being thankful for good health and waking up to a new day. Treating yourself with kindness, love and positive self-talk. I am at the healthiest weight this year. I feel the most energy and happiness this year.
There were feelings of not being good enough. After really surrounding myself with amazing people and being kinder to myself, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. If you can’t love yourself first, how will you attract the right people into your life? Our life experiences can affect us deeply in how we see the world. But, I really think that we can all heal from hurt, even when it seems impossible. It’s really the simple things in life that give us the greatest joy. We have to come from a place of not judging others because everyone has and is going through something. It’s easy to see things on the surface and believe what we see. The most healing comes from the periods of silence. I really believe that time heals.
One of the biggest blessings is surrounding yourself with people who are uplifting, encouraging, motivating, positive and caring. They bring the best out of you. The people we surround ourselves with are important. Our bodies are a blessing. It’s important to refrain from commenting on someone’s body. I can’t emphasize how much it can have an impact on them. I really believe we have to remind ourselves that we are enough as we are. We truly live in such a visual world. People will constantly judge others based on their appearances, and it’s inescapable that the first impression we have of someone often comes from their physical appearances. But, we have to go beyond the surface and remember that every person we care about, we couldn’t care less about what they look like. I really hope if you are on a journey of healing and having a healthy relationship with your body, that you will realize how beautifully made you are.
When you go through a stressful period in your life or a hard season, know that there are people who care about you. I know that when I went through depression, I often felt like nobody cared and that there wasn’t a way out. But, there are so many people who love you, and often the first step is reaching out to others. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to talk about these things. Those who matter in our lives, are the ones who won’t judge you for your experiences. When I’m reminding myself of what’s important in life, I like to think of the words from The Little Prince: Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. If you are reading this and going through a hard time, know that wherever you are in your lifeyou are enough.
An action I appreciate so deeply is when someone takes the time to sit down to write a letter or a card. I find that there is somewhat a lost art of writing on a piece of paper, writing a letter to a loved one or making a card for someone. I appreciate a written letter or card, because in a fast-paced, immediate world where we can easily send a message in a few seconds, a letter takes time, movement of your hands, thought processes in your mind, sitting down to think and it takes your heart to pour a part of itself onto the paper. Writing is personal and shows a part of yourself that we cannot see online, especially when online writing can only be read by a font. Our handwriting can say so much about ourselves. It’s a way of expressing oneself, that isn’t like when one is typing an email or sending an image.
I have been thinking about why I choose not to use a laptop when I’m at university, and I still am adamant to continue writing pen to paper. One reason is that writing allows you to listen to the key points, and write them down, rather than type a lot that may not be necessary. Writing allows you to put down your pen and listen with the paper on the table, without a screen that can be distracting at times. I notice it often that many students will do other things (eg. online shopping, social media, watching videos), and it distracts one from focusing on learning and absorbing information. Writing makes me think of my childhood, when I’d write stories, sketch in my book, make magazines and do my homework. It was a way of expressing one’s creativity.
The beauty of writing is flow. In a world where we are filled with distraction and multitasking, writing requires one to be focused. There is something incredibly therapeutic about writing in your journal, whether it’s the movement of the hand, the ink smoothly gliding on the paper or the feeling of allowing your thoughts to be let go onto the paper. I really believe that there is something incredibly helpful about writing down all your worries and all your gratitude. It gives a sense of clarity to read your thoughts, and it also allows you to understand yourself more. Keeping a journal can make you acknowledge those thoughts in the back of your mind, rather than allowing them to create noise. It makes you recognise your dreams and what makes you happy or sad.
Letter writing is a communication that feels like a warm embrace. It’s personal and fills you with happiness. In a time where many people convince themselves that they don’t have enough time, writing reminds us that we always have time. If we can take the time to write down lists and write down our goals, there is always time to go out there to achieve these things. Seeing someone’s writing is close to hearing their voice in person, because the thoughts come straight from their mind to their fingertips. When we type we can pause for half an hour, then continue writing the letter, but in conversation there is usually a consistent flow. Do you prefer writing on paper or typing on a laptop? What are your reasons for preferring one over the other?
When I’m living in Taipei, I feel like it’s completely normal to put up an umbrella when the sun is out. It’s very common in many Asian countries, such as Taiwan, Japan and Korea. On Summer days like today, the sun can be very harsh in Auckland, and I tend to use an umbrella to stay cool and avoid getting sun burnt. Skincare is incredibly important, particularly in Eastern Asian culture, where beauty products have an emphasis on having healthy, bright skin. Our skin is the largest organ, which is why we must take good care of it, as it reflects our health.
Protecting your skin from early signs of aging.In order to avoid blemishes, wrinkles, spots and sun burns, sun protection is very important. I do feel that this is one of the reasons why some Asians look younger than their age, as many spend a lot of time taking care of their skin. Many people invest in skincare products that help maintain healthy and glowing skin.
Keeping cool under the umbrella shade. When the sun is blazing hot, an umbrella can be a great way to create some shade. It allows one to stay cool during the hot Summer months, when it seems like 2 minutes in the sun will make one start sweating. I find an umbrella helps, as my hat can only cover parts of my face, but an umbrella can cover your face and neck.
Avoid getting a sun tan. I still remember when my sister and I were in Taiwan as children, and we walked past two elderly ladies. One of them said “她們好黑!” which translates to “They’re so tanned!” because growing up on a farm, I tended to be playing outdoors all the time and had a very tanned complexion. There is nothing wrong with having a tan. As I grow older, I prefer to embrace my natural complexion.
The beauty standards are different. When I was living in Sydney, it was common during the Summer time to see topless men and women in bikinis at the beach, park and backyard tanning. It’s similar in NZ, where many Caucasians feel that a tanned complexion gives a warm glow that’s attractive. In East Asia, pale skin is seen as beautiful.
It’s important to get enough Vitamin D from the sun each day, however this ranges from 15-30 minutes. If you are in the sun for several hours or travelling a long distance, then it can increase the chance of getting a sun burn. Remember to always wear sunscreen. It’s good to have a habit of wearing sunscreen everyday and protecting yourself from the sun. What are your thoughts? Do you carry an umbrella when it’s sunny?
Nana Komatsu for Kimono hime November 2014 Shodensha Mook
English was one of my favourite subjects at school as I loved writing essays and reading novels. Although there’s still many aspects where I can improve (note my use of grammar and structuring). My mother tongue is Chinese, as I grew up learning Chinese first before English. We used to go to Saturday Chinese school as children, but I was quite lazy and didn’t feel any motivation to learn it since I was speaking English at school. Perhaps it was because all my friends spoke English, and I wasn’t living in a place or going to a school that had many people speaking Chinese.
However, now that I’m older I embrace the fact that I’m both Taiwanese and Kiwi. They are both important aspects of my identity. I realise how important it is to keep your mother tongue alive. It’s important to remind yourself what a blessing it is to speak Chinese and English. When I look back, I am incredibly grateful that my parents only spoke Mandarin to my sister and I, because language is such an important part of us. I appreciate growing up being surrounded by books and building a huge interest in reading. Now that I’m older, I put more effort into writing, reading and listening to Chinese. I used to feel a sense of guilt and shame because my Chinese wasn’t fluent but my physical identity says that I should be.
In high school, my English teacher said that it’s okay that my essay had a few grammar mistakes, because English is my second language. The trouble was that she was more lenient with me even though I was keen to improve my writing. Most of my classmates said I’m lucky I had English as a second language as an excuse, but to me it seemed quite stereotypical, because I was more fluent in English and when other classmates made grammatical mistakes it wasn’t focused on what ethnicity they are.
The beauty of language is that it allows us to communicate to different people. I’ve been asked many times if I’m an international student or what country I moved from to New Zealand. It’s understandable, because Auckland is quite a multicultural city and there are people from a vast majority of different countries. However, it does remind me of my identity and being asked these sort of questions many times has made me more assured of my own cultural identity. I suppose in writing this, I’d love to encourage you to embrace your mother tongue. Having that is such a precious part of you that can never be taken away from you. If you are also an Asian that is more fluent in English, know that you can improve your mother tongue through self motivation, practice and patience.
It seems timely to write this during exam period where I feel like I seem to be spending a lot of time on my own studying. Spending time in your own company is the peace and quiet we all need. Everyone will feel comfortable with different lengths of time spent alone. I find that spending a day just alone, reading a book, writing about everything and nothing, going for long walks, cooking a meal, window shopping, sitting in the library for hours, walking at the park or listening to music can be really enjoyable. However, I’ve found it’s often praised to be busy, socialising with friends and having an active lifestyle. The truth is it really is the simple things in life that are the best.
1) Embracing yourself completely. When I spend time alone, I feel the most completely myself. It gives one time to relax, reflect, and connect with oneself and it’s good for your mental well-being. Taking time out from the world and just being in your own space can allow one to think with more clarity and be in touch with who you are and what you value.
2) Entertain yourself with deep thoughts. I had a strange trail of thoughts the other day of how many hours, days and weeks of our lives we spend just walking, smiling, sleeping, eating and laughing. How many trees grow in our lifetime and how many cakes were baked today. How long do we spend watching movies and how many apples do we eat in a lifetime (I’m guessing enough to fill several trees if you’re a fruit lover).
3) Growing more self-love. Treat yourself to something, such as taking a trip to the movies, as it will make you feel more appreciation for being in your own company. It’ll make you feel comfortable laughing out loud and enjoying the time on your own. Self-love is taking care of yourself mentally and physically. Having positive self-talk is essential in maintaining a healthy way of thinking, and the energy you feel will be projected into the world.
4) The ability to focus and concentrate.There is a level of clarity in the quiet moments with time to think deeply. I find when I’m studying, being on my own helps me to completely focus on the task that I’m working on. This depends, as some people may prefer studying in groups, but I find studying alone makes me feel less distracted and more productive.
5) A sense of independence. If you’re used to doing many things alone, it can make you learn to be more independent. It makes you realise how much you’re capable of, and you’ll start feeling used to doing many things on your own without relying on others. You are your own company, and so it’s important to trust yourself, but don’t be afraid to ask for help when you do need it.
6) An introvert’s key to happiness. As an introvert, I crave a certain amount of time to connect with others, however, I also value time alone. The key to happiness is being completely comfortable in your own skin, sitting alone at a cafe, walking down the street, daydreaming at the park or traveling on a plane.
7) Time to clear the mind. If you’re out and about for most of the day, then when you come home it’s the perfect time to unwind and just clear your mind and restore your energy. I find spending time alone really helps with mental health, and allows one to feel calm and in a peaceful state of mind.
8) It makes you more creative. When you’re alone, your creative juices will flow more. Think of when you were a child playing on your own, and creating something with your hands. If you’re a musician you will understand the feeling of practicing alone in order to really feel the music. It also makes me think of an artist or writer spending time alone in order to express their ideas.
9) Enjoying the simple things. When you appreciate the time on your own, it’ll make certain things more enjoyable, such as commuting on a bus every day or going to the supermarket. It makes you feel a sense of presence and an awareness of your thoughts and your existence on this Earth.
10) You are more in touch with who you are. I find that when we spend time on our own, we can really think about our own values and know who we are in a deeper way. You know yourself better than anyone else, and only you can know what makes you happy or sad and what things you like or dislike. Being alone also makes you more aware of what you care about and what you spend your time doing.
What do you like to do when you’re spending time alone?
English was one of my favourite subjects at school as I loved writing essays and reading novels. Although there’s still many aspects where I can improve (note my use of grammar and structuring). My mother tongue is Chinese, as I grew up learning Chinese first before English. We used to go to Saturday Chinese school as children, but I was quite lazy and didn’t feel any motivation to learn it since I was speaking English at school. Perhaps it was because all my friends spoke English, and I wasn’t living in a place or going to a school that had many people speaking Chinese.
Tien-Jen 